Your Fire, Your Soul

aging

2012-01-19T10:21:00.001-07:00

I'm afraid.

I think my dad has Parkinson's Disease.

PD killed his mother at age 95 and his brother at age 71. My Dad is 71.

When I look at pictures from just one year ago my heart breaks at how quickly his health has deteriorated. I get terrified that each time I see him will be the last. I feel panicky. I can't think about my proud, refined father and the humility and embarrassment he will feel as he loses control. I can't think about how it will be when he no longer recognizes me or my children. I can't think about how it will be for my kids to lose their grandpa. I can't stand to think about living in a world that doesn't have my Daddy.

I'm afraid.

moments

2011-11-15T16:57:00.000-07:00

My Pixie fell asleep nursing in my lap today. This doesn't happen very often anymore. I miss holding my sleeping little ones. I've been so busy being frustrated by how hard being a parent can be that I haven't noticed how quickly they are changing. I haven't been enjoying these sweet babies and savoring each tender memory, and that makes my heart hurt so much. How is it that my Squeak is already almost too big to hold, and what will I do when Pixie gets there, too, when my arms will be empty? How (and why) have I let so many moments slip through my fingers?

my brain

2011-11-04T17:34:00.001-06:00

Here's the thing:

My kids are alternately driving me to insanity and making my heart sing. They are such annoying, adorable little cuties.

I need a root canal. The whole idea of root canal therapy makes me uneasy. I'm just crazy enough to consider flying to Orange County to seek alternative treatment.

My sink stinks. Why can't the kids follow the "rinsed dishes in the left sink, food-y dishes in the right sink" rule? It would just make the never-ending chore of washing dishes so much easier on me.

Oregon has delicious fruit. Oregon also has an abundance of fruit flies. Nasty little buggers are loving my pears, plums, bananas, and tomatoes.

I hate ants. It is fascinating and disgusting to watch them gorging themselves on Terro (basically corn syrup laced with Borax. Hahaha. They don't stand a chance.). I just can't wait for them to take it back to their nest and for the entire colony to slowly die a boraxy death and leave my sliding glass doorway and family room the hell alone.

I really really can't stand blog-isms. Like for instance: "totes;: "adores;" any of the "sauce" variations (awesomesauce, weaksauce, lamesauce); "le sigh;" "natch;" "you're welcs;" "amazeballs;" etc. Amaz(ball)ingly, I have stumbled upon all of these examples at one time or another on just one blog! But I have read them elsewhere as well. Maybe it's not universal; maybe it's just a Mormon Mom blog thing. I don't know. Either way, I can't stand it.

My Third-Eye Blind station on Pandora rocks me! Has there been good music since the late-90s? Or is it just that my music tastes were formed by my school years and I will forever be nostalgic for the "good ol' days" of music of the 80s and 90s?

Speaking of that... I don't really FEEL very old (And no, I really am not very old), but when I realize that the teenagers I am working with at church were born when I was in 10th or 11th grade...well, then... that makes me FEEL old. (Had I been a Teen Mom) I am old enough to be their mother.

Being invited to a Halloween party by your 3-doors-down neighbors is awesome because that means they want to be your friends. But it also really, really sucks because you stand around feeling like an idiot and a loner because all their other friends are talking to each other. And then there's you. Really really awkward.

What is up with teenagers and the words "legit," "epic," and "awkward" (or, as I see so rampantly on facebook, "awk.")? "They keep using those words. I do not think those words mean what they think those words mean..."

"One Tree Hill." Thoughts? I'm giving it a try, but it's just not doing it for me. I need another "Gilmore Girls." Or another "Arrested Development." Or "Freaks & Geeks."

My neighborhood is awesome. The kids were out trick-or-treating for MAYBE a half-hour. We hit only the houses on our actual street. Each kid had ONE sucker and ONE Smarties. The rest? ALL CHOCOLATE. Quality over quantity, baby!

Beauty all around

2011-08-08T11:49:00.002-06:00

I LIVE here!
Beaches, berries, bridges, boats, waterfalls, waterfalls, and more waterfalls.

(And it's a good thing it's so beautiful, too, because I have a serious case of homesickness for my family lately...)

negative nancy

2011-06-30T15:21:00.000-06:00

My blog has threatened to take over and start writing itself if I didn't hurry and post something (and it assured me in no uncertain terms that I would not like what it had to say), so here I am. Obligatory? Maybe, but beggars can't be choosers, don't look a gift horse in the mouth, and all that shtuff.

I'm an Oregonian now, and about 2 hours ago, when I first attempted to sit down and spit out a blog post, you probably would have gotten a post akin to an Oregon travel brochure: it's so green and beautiful (it is), the weather is temperate (actually I'm sitting inside with the screen door open and bundled up in a hoodie and sweatpants...), farmer's markets almost every day of the week totally ROCKS (it does), my backyard is a garden wonderland (also full of mosquitos, flies, ants, and spiders), we have a hot tub (that has cost us roughly 3.2 million dollars to get up and running...), and we love everything about being here. However, I have dealt with some truly despicable people today and I am now really grumpy. So you get the Grinch version of the story of our relocation.

The (terrible) moving company underestimated our shipment size and so they ran out of room on the moving van. We have now been waiting on a kitchen table and other "nonessentials" for over two weeks, with no delivery date in sight... Also, my beautiful blown-glass pitcher we bought in Mexico on our honeymoon was shattered in the move. And my George Foreman grill broke. And I'm missing a box including a silk plant and who knows what else (since the movers so helpfully labeled boxes with very descriptive markings such as, "storage items," and "garage items"). Also, they totally scratched up our bookshelves, but because they had them wrapped in their blue blankets when they carried them inside, I didn't notice until after they left. So, awesomely, they got away with it! And, they left black marks all over the carpets we had had professionally cleaned the night before.

The (horrible) company that the (terrible) moving company contracted out to set up our washer and dryer didn't do their job! When we ran our first load of laundry in 2 weeks, the washing machine basically danced across the floor, tearing up the laundry room flooring! Awesome. We then had a load of half-washed clothes (because I had to turn it off during the spin cycle or risk more dancing washer maneuvers) sitting in our washer for a week! Yay mildew smell! How I love you!

The (no good) previous owners of this house "forgot" to disclose (on that little old legal document aptly entitled "Seller's Disclosure Statement") that the dryer vent that runs under the house is actually full of water and not venting properly (or at all). And while we're on the subject, not one but two (very bad) house inspectors didn't notice this small problem either! I'm so glad we paid all that money for them to (not) do their jobs!

The (no good) previous owners of this house also lied about the hot tub being in working order. And their very very honest realtor is doing a nice job corroborating their story and covering for them in her very skilled Legalese.

Meanwhile, our crappy internet, which claims to be uploading at speeds of 7 mgps, keeps freezing up on me (and won't let me view pictures on facebook, which, let's face it, is one of the main reasons to have the internet these days!). And half the time Netflix doesn't work. Luckily we are cancelling this piece of poo and getting Comcast in a few days.

Also meanwhile, my kids are going bonkers and I have had it with tantrums.

Welcome to Oregon, suckers.

The men of my past, a la Gilmore Girls

2011-05-10T16:00:00.002-06:00

I love love love Gilmore Girls. And if you like good, smart tv, you love Gilmore Girls, too. Sometimes I like to wrap my life up in Gilmore Girls metaphors. Today is one of those times. So I bring you,

My Past Relationships, Gilmore Girls-style.

I really only have two men of my past.

The first, the Dean to my Rory. My high school boyfriend, letter jacket, rose bouquets, serenading at my bedroom window, jewelry, school dances, song dedications on the radio, and all. My practice boyfriend. We were so incompatible, and honestly he kind of annoyed me (and really embarrassed me), but he really, really liked me. He treated me way better than I deserved and he was just so darn puppy-dog loyal. I liked being pampered. He was my Dean. (SPOILER alert! If you are 7 years behind and haven't seen the season finale of season 4 of Gilmore Girls (what is wrong with you?!), read no further... You have been warned!) Except, you know, I didn't sleep with him and break up his marriage and then ditch him for a bunch of trust-fund party boys... So there's that. But anyway, even now, 10+ years later, seeing him and remembering his devotion to me is still good for my self-esteem. Every girl needs a Dean to teach her how she should be treated and to teach her how she should treat someone she eventually finds to love.

That would make boyfriend #2 my Jess. Soulful, poetic, misunderstood Jess, who just kind of floated through life with no goals, plans or direction. Sounds about right. My Jess played me songs he wrote for me on his guitar. We talked books and philosophy and religion. We wrote each other 20-page love letters. He would drive 50 miles on his motorcycle in the rain to come visit me at college, and we would spend all night walking around campus because he had flaked on finding sleeping arrangements for himself... Then he would have some kind of emotional freak-out and he would check out of our relationship. And we couldn't really talk about our issues, because we are both writers, so we would write about our issues. It was a super healthy relationship and not dysfunctional in the least... Oh but I loved him and his tortured soul.

(I'm not going to comment at all on my present (and future) love, because no matter how hard I try I just can't parallel him to Logan Hunztberger. Which is fine, because, while I like Logan, I honestly don't really like who Rory becomes as his other half... And my love certainly isn't a spoiled rich kid.)

The reason I have been thinking about this is that periodically I dream about these boys from my past. Or rather, periodically I dream about one of these boys from my past. Can you guess which one? Which of the two I just can't get out of my subconscious? Yep, the sometimes-depressed romantic who was wrong for me in every way. I try not to be too hard on myself for these dreams, because I can't control them. But it bugs me. It bugs me that he's still there, somewhere. What kind of a person am I? Who admits that they have dreams about their ex?! Someone out there in the interwebz, please tell me I am not the only one (even if you have to lie!), because I am starting to get down on myself about it, and my Easter/Mother's Day supply of binge chocolate will only last so long...!

Or you know, if you can't help a sister out, maybe you have a fictional character-boyfriend parallel you'd like to share. You know I'm dying to hear.

Conflicted

2011-05-09T15:05:00.000-06:00

So maybe you'd like to know what I've been up to lately? I've been dancing. I've been cleaning. I've been tending to sick kids. I've been traveling. I've been preparing to move. I've been buying a house. I've been feeling inspired to create, to choreograph, to write (feeling inspired, yes. actually doing, not so much...).

I haven't been sleeping. I haven't been cooking dinner enough. I haven't been exercising. I haven't been sticking to my budget.

I feel entirely in limbo. Wanting to stretch out the last 5 weeks before I move 800 miles away, but also just wanting to be done with the process and wanting to get settled. I feel sad about leaving my family and a few close friends, but also excited about a new adventure.

I want my babies to slow down and not grow up so fast, but I also wish I could fast forward through the whining and tantrums.

To sum it all up, I'm feeling pretty contradictory, which I guess is just par for the course in life.

Providential

2011-03-17T16:07:00.003-06:00

So I've been working on purging, organizing, and deep cleaning our house since about Christmas time. I just felt nudged to simplify.

Little did I know that I was also preparing for a move.

Husband's work has asked us to move; we have accepted. We will list our home for sale next week and we will move in June or July. Remember last time I wrote, oh about a month ago, and I asked if anyone in the northwest wanted to trade their smaller home for mine? Well while we haven't found anyone with whom to trade homes, we are indeed going to the northwest, and we are indeed going to be downsizing when we move.

Apparently, I am just full of prophetic insight lately.

I am super-duper excited, but all the nervousness of finances and the details of moving are clouding my enthusiasm presently. We are awaiting the appraisal results. Husband's employer will buy our home if it doesn't sell in 3 months, but they will purchase it at the appraisal value. We are praying and praying and praying for a reasonable appraisal. If the appraisal isn't enough, the move won't be feasible... Houses in our neighborhood are not selling so the buyout will be the only realistic option. We need to sell our house for enough to make it possible to have some money to put down on a house in Oregon and not be strapped for cash every month trying to pay the mortgage... The waiting is killing me.

AND this money talk is depressing me.

Want to know some of the things I am really looking forward to about moving?:
*we are buying a house with a nice usable fenced backyard. This is non-negotiable. I can't wait to be able to send the kids outside to play!!!
*rain, rain, and more rain! I adore rain. I am not worried in the least about being bothered by the rain. I am just a bit worried about actually trying to lead a productive life, however, as rain does have a tendency to bring out the romantic in me. I read A.LOT (more...) when it rains.
*Trader Joe's. Really a petty reason to be excited about moving, but it's the truth. There will be a Trader Joe's within a very easy distance to my new home. No more stocking up on every California trip. I'll have it available whenever I want it! :)
*The ocean. We will be just over an hour away from the coast. While it's not the swimmable waters of Southern California that I love so much, it will be nice to be close to the beautiful rocky shores, sandy beaches to play in, whale watching, fresh fish for eating, and a new, beautiful place to vacation.
*Chickens. As soon as we are settled, I am getting us a couple backyard chickens. Fresh, healthy eggs everyday! :)
*No more driving in the snow. I loathe driving in the snow. I have major PTSD from some horrible car accidents I was in as a child/adolescent. Driving in the snow just compounds that. It will be nice to not have to worry about that anymore. If we want snow, we can drive to the mountains.
*We'll be 4 hours from Husband's brother and his new wife. We have never lived close to any of my in-laws, and I am actually looking forward to this (and I have to think that way, because when I think about how far we will be from MY family, I get a little (lot) panicky...).
*Husband's dream job. Really, he has been wanting this for the last 4 years. I am really happy for him.
*Change of scene. I've lived in my current state for almost 14 years now. I know some people spend their entire lives in the same place, but I'm not one of those people. I think I might like to be, if I found the right place, but even still I'm not sure I could be. This is the longest I've stayed put, ever. I lived in the same home for the first 8 years of my life, but since then, I haven't stayed in the same place for more than the 4 years I've been in my current home/city... I'm getting a little stir-crazy.
*I never did want to raise my kids here. I am so glad they will get the chance to spend a large part of their childhoods outside of this state...

Oregon here we come!!! :D

cinderella

2011-02-17T14:05:00.000-07:00

I've decided my house is too big. I am getting really tired of (feeling guilty about not) cleaning it. 2000 square feet is a lot of house for four people. All those square feet add up to way too many baseboards, door frames, door paneling, outlet and light switch plates, walls, bath tubs, toilets, sinks, countertops, cupboards, floors, ceiling fan blades, and window tracks to scrub.

Anyone wanna trade houses? Specifically, anyone with a cozy farmhouse west of the Cascade Mountains wanna trade? Come on over to beautiful Utah and clean my three stories, four bedrooms, and four bathrooms! BONUS! You can keep my (smelly, hairy, wonderful) dog!

I'm sort of joking.

You can't have my dog.

The History of Dance (as it pertains to my life)

2011-02-02T16:27:00.001-07:00

So. In a previous life I danced. When I define myself, to myself, I am still a dancer. Though it has been over 7 years since I've done it with any regularity, it feels so essentially a part of me.

I am not a professional dancer. I am not a highly trained or even a highly skilled dancer. But it's who I am, it's what I do.

When I was a child, being shuffled between divorced parents' homes, I wished I could take dance lessons. This is what we did instead:

(My sister would kill me if she knew I was posting this, since her leotard is completely worn and see-thru. Since this is relatively anonymous I'm doing it anyway. I think it's adorable, myself. I am the shrimpy one in the middle, wearing the Star Trek shirt (yes, I am as baffled as you are!).)

We were always putting on performances: plays, dance routines, roller skating shows. I guess that's what you do when your family consists of enough girls for a decent corps de ballet and little parental involvement... There were several brief periods of formal training in my childhood, paid for mostly by services traded by my mom with one of her friends. Swimming lessons for others traded for dancing lessons for us; piano lessons for others traded for sewing lessons for us; you get the gist. I remember my mom teaching a music/movement class (and brief piano lessons for me), and I remember learning tap from someone else. I did get about 5 summers of real gymnastics classes in the university summer camps. Within those classes I had a weekly (monthly? I can't remember.) ballet class. We also learned contradancing as we got older, because it was something my mom loved to do and we did it with her. But for the most part, my childhood dance experience was amateur at best.

My sophomore year of high school, we moved from a rural farming community in the great plains to a sleepy bedroom community in the mountain west. My new high school was over twice the size of my old high school (in population), and included one less year of students (9-12 grades for my old school; 10-12 for the new). The new school offered three dance classes and even had a dance company (not just drill team and cheerleaders!). I saw the dance company perform at assemblies, games, pep rallies. I was amazed and dreamed of joining them. I enrolled myself in a beginning modern dance class. As part of the class, we choreographed and performed a dance in the spring concert. Some of my classmates were already in the company, and some others of us decided to audition. By some strange miracle, I passed through the first round of auditions and into the second, and then by an even bigger miracle, I actually made it into the company.

I danced with my high school's company for my remaining two years of high school. I performed in hundreds of dances and at dozens of venues. I traveled to New York City and Los Angeles. I took classes from members of some of the most famous companies in the country. It was truly the best part of my adolescence.

In college, I continued. I pursued a modern dance minor (which I fell just a few classes short of getting, because I couldn't fit two of the requisite classes into my work+school schedule). I also branched out and took several ballet classes, a few jazz classes, a tap class, a folk dance class, and a ballroom dance class. When I graduated from college in 2003, I felt like I was at my best as a dancer.

I continued with a few community classes of ballet and jazz and even belly dancing, I returned to perform at my old high school once, and I even taught the youth in my area a dance which they performed for tens of thousands of people in commemoration of a special local event.

And then I stopped. I got pregnant, I had a baby, I had another baby, and I just never quite found my way back to dancing.

Until now. I'm doing it again and I am still a dancer and I feel so good.

This year marks my high school dance company's twentieth year (and my former dance teacher's twentieth year as company director), and she is having as many as her alumni as possible come back and dance in a few alumni pieces.

I am out of shape and out of practice, but I am loving every minute of it.

Pulling my hair out

2011-01-13T10:49:00.000-07:00

So remember how in my last post I credited "1-2-3 Magic" for the recent decrease in yelling at my house?

Yeah. In reality it was the flu.

Now that Squeak is feeling better again, his misbehaviors have returned, and believe it or not I think they used his sick body as a host and multiplied! Either that or he is feeling the need to make up for how calm and cooperative he was during his illness... He has been worse than ever. And I am really struggling to keep my cool. The main thing that I was loving about 1-2-3 Magic was the practice of "No talking, no emotion." However I am finding it almost impossible to remain emotionless when Squeak's M.O. all day long is the following formula:

1. Run up to Pixie. Flail arms in her face. Make sure she is wailing before running away again.
2. Run up to Pixie. Take whatever toy she is playing with. Play with it for 3.2 seconds, or just long enough to set her off into major tantrum mode. When Pixie is crying sufficiently hard enough to not be calmed, abandon toy, throwing it across the room.
3. Follow Pixie anywhere she goes to escape the torment. If possible, follow her with a chair, trashcan, or laundry hamper closely nipping at her heels or pushing her from behind. The more annoying physical contact the better!
4. Play with a toy. Leave Pixie alone to play with a different toy. Give Mommy the false sense that she can leave the room to load the dishwasher. As soon as Mommy walks out of the room, abandon toy and take Pixie's. Repeat step 2. When Pixie, instead of throwing yet another tantrum about her stolen toy, goes to take the toy you abandoned, freak out at her, screaming, "I was PLAYING with that toy! I HAD IT FIRST!" Take said toy away from Pixie.
5. When Mommy sends you to time out for screaming and yelling and taking toys, hit her in the face. When she increases your time out and sends you to your room, pick up the nearest hard toy and throw it at Pixie.
6. Try your hardest to get your Mommy to kill herself and you.
7. Repeat steps 1-6. All day long. Ad nauseum.

I don't know what to do about him. Is having more than one kid supposed to be this hard? I expected the occasional (and even often) sibling scuffle. I didn't expect the constant pestering. I can't handle it.

And because I am in a horrible and complaining mood, I'll add my other frustration. Pixie's constant nursing. It is out of control. She is nursing more frequently than she did as a newborn, by far. It is really all day long. She is up and down and up and down, in and out of my lap, asking for nursies. ALL.DAY.LONG. AND she is waking up every 1-2 hours at night suddenly, wanting to nurse. As soon as she's not sick anymore, the night-weaning is ON. And hopefully once I am sleeping through the night once more I will have more patience to deal with being a mother.

But for today... Stick a fork in me, I AM DONE.
(sadly...really, really sadly...it's only 10:45 am. And my dear husband doesn't get home tonight until after the kids are in bed. It is going to be one loooooooooooooong day.)

Purging in 2011

2011-01-05T17:28:00.001-07:00

Well Homemade Christmas 2010 was simply awesome. I got everything done and everyone loved their gifts. We ended up also getting the Squeak some bunk beds, and he loves them. We got new bedding to go with it, and it made his whole room look more put together.

We got ourselves some new shelving for our basement family room, which made that room look more put together. It has suddenly motivated me to get my whole house looking just as simplified, organized, and put together. I have gone through every Rubbermaid in my storage room and have gotten rid of the contents of ten of them (the 18-gallon size)! It has made me feel simply amazing. My next project will be to declutter the laundry room (corridor) and try to get it organized so that it stays that way... Then I will do the linen closet and the bathroom cupboards/drawers. Then the pantry/kitchen cupboards. When the weather gets a little warmer, I'll tackle the garage. Then I will be done, and my house will be much more livable. I get tired of seeing so much STUFF everywhere, and not having a place for it all. My number one goal of 2011 is to find a place for all my STUFF, or get rid of it if I can't.

I would love to post a picture of the before and after of our family room, but since the kids have torn the room apart in the last 2 minutes that I've been writing this, I'm not taking an after picture right now...

Other goals for 2011:
*Continue to work on my 101 in 1001 Project
*Daily personal scripture study and morning/evening prayer (are these continual goals in my life, or what?!)
*Monthly temple attendance
*No more yelling at my kids (the book "123 Magic" is really helping me with this one)
*Regular exercise and weight loss (I would really like to get back in pre-kid shape so I am able to participate in an alumni dance piece in April...)
*One major personal goal that includes several smaller ones and that I'd rather not share

Homemade Christmas 2010

2010-12-20T11:25:00.002-07:00

(this is last year's tree. This year's tree is almost bare, because I have a 19-month-old who just *can't.leave.the.decorations.alone*!)

I haven't had time to write this month, because for some reason I got the harebrained idea to have a "Homemade Christmas" this year... I finished making my last homemade gift yesterday morning! So now you all get to see the results of my craziness!

For my niece G (age 18 months): Black Apple Doll. Saw some of these in my current Rosie Hippo (natural/organic toys and children's products) catalog for $39! Used all natural materials (cotton for arms/legs/head/dress, wool felt for the hair, and wool noils for the stuffing) that I already had on hand and only spent $14 or so to order 2 pounds of wool noils off etsy (which I have used to make three other items and still have almost the full two pounds leftover). Go me! My daughter Pixie is also getting one of these, but I forgot to take a picture of hers before I wrapped it. Pixie's did not turn out quite as well as G's. G's is definitely cuter.

For my nephew J (age 6 1/2): Superhero cape, reverses to wizard cape. Bought 2 yards of satin for a grand total of $6 I think. Used webbing and velcro that I already had to make the collar. I also used leftover black satin to make a wizard hat. He will be getting a nice thick stick of a wizard wand to go with it, and if I get ambitious in the next day or two I may use the leftover satin to make a superhero eye mask. But probably not.

For my niece C (age 8): Homemade star long-sleeved T (and a craft kit, store bought for $4). I bought two shirts at the thrift store and refashioned them into this little cutie. Spent *maybe* $5 on both shirts, but probably less (I can't remember). Can I just add that 8 year old girls are hard to shop for? Getting too old and cool for the toys they loved just last year, but not really into all that teenage stuff yet...

For my nephew W (age 6 1/2): I had the hardest time with this one. Because my quiet and smart little W doesn't like the things I would typically have thought of to make for him. He got a refashioned t-shirt just like his sister, and a store-bought model aircraft kit, because the kid loves Star Wars and putting things together. Again, bought shirts at the thrift store (3 for W's shirt) and refashioned them. Spent about $5 or less on all three shirts. Don't look too closely at this one. I had some major problems sewing on the Star Wars picture. It was really stretchy and I should have used some kind of paper to secure it from slipping, but I didn't. Oh well.

For my son Squeak (age 4): a Yoda hat and a (store-bought) green "light-saber" that I got at the grocery store for $5 (it even makes realistic light saber sounds!). I had to do a Star Wars movie project with the youth from my church this summer, and to film we borrowed someone's Yoda costume. Squeak really loved the Yoda hat and I know he will LOVE this gift! I bought a toddler girl's hoodie at the thrift store for about $2 and used the hood and sleeves to make the hat and ears. I stuffed the ears with wool noils leftover from my stuffed doll and animal projects so that the ears stick out. Used black satin ribbon scraps that I had on hand to make the drawstring to secure it. Turned out much better than I thought it would! Squeak is also getting a stuffed puppy dog, but I forgot to take a picture of the finished product. It is very similar to the stuffed bunny that Pixie is getting (pictured below). I used a pair of gloves ($1 at the dollar store), wool noils, and embroidery floss. So cute! Here's the Yoda hat. And below that, my poor sweet dog being my model!

For my daughter Pixie (age 19 months): A Black Apple Doll, as pictured above for niece G. I used velvet for her hair instead of felted wool, because I messed up the head and then ran out of felted wool to try again. I also used different cotton for the dress/body: green with little yellow flowers instead of the pink and white polka dots. And a purple scarf instead of a black one. Turned out a little less cute, but Pixie will still adore it. Forgot to take a picture before it got wrapped. :( Pixie is also getting a stuffed bunny rabbit toy. I love this one. I used a pair of microfleecey gloves from the dollar store to make this.

For my sisters: Monogrammed tote bags. Bought 4 canvas tote bags for $9.50 and 4 fabric remnants at half-price (ranging in price from $0.44 to $1.25) and two spools of ribbon at half-price (total $2.50). Printed off a large stencil of each of their initials from my computer and used that as a pattern. I love the way these turned out (and it really bugs me that I have two separate pictures, one of three and one of one, but I had to finish one earlier than the other three to send off to my sister in CA.)!

For my step-mom: Teacup candle. My step-mom is into antiques and kitschy little knick-knacks, so I think she will like this. I bought a cute teacup from the thrift store for about $0.50 and then bought a candle at the dollar store. Melted down the wax in my double boiler, and then poured it into the teacup to harden. Turned out a little sunken in the middle, but still cute. I had planned to make 2 or 3 of these, but could only find one suitable teacup at the time.

For my Mom: Forgot to take a picture, but I made her a microwave heat pack. I made some of these for my sisters and brothers-in-law a couple years ago, and my mom really liked them. She has a lot of knee pains so I know she will like this. I used some thick, soft material I had leftover from a different project and filled it with oats and lavender oil. Free! Yay!

For my Dad: I cheated on my dad's present, because I have his name for our family gift exchange so he is already getting stuff from me. In addition to his gift exchange gift, he's getting a photo cube filled with pictures of his grandkids and daughters.

For the parents, parent-in-laws, and my sisters: Handprint ornaments, made with Squeak's handprint on one side and Pixie's handprint on the other. I love, love, love these. I think they turned out so cute! We of course made one for ourselves as well. Parents/In-Laws/Grandma are also getting framed 8x10 pictures of my family/the kids, and my parents and sisters are getting a framed 4x6 of all the grandkids together.

So there it is. Homemade Christmas 2010. I am excited about giving these gifts, and I'm glad I did it this year (now that I'm done), but I don't know if I will have it in me to do this again, ever!

What about you, readers? Have you done something crazy like this? What are some of your favorite homemade gifts to give? Are you all ready for Christmas?

The Christmas Card

2010-11-23T16:14:00.001-07:00

So in a forum I frequent (when the kids are asleep and I am procrastinating my to-dos, or when the kids are fighting and I am trying to ignore them...) I recently read a thread about Christmas letters. Love them or hate them? Me, I love them. Mostly because I love getting mail, and throughout most of the year the only mail I get are bills and ads... You all know I love me some internet, but I am still in mourning over the loss of writing and receiving actual letters. But that's a different post for a different day... Right now I'm talking about Christmas letters. Which I love (remember?).

While I had the best of intentions (which intentions included Christmas-Card-writing, -sealing, -addressing, and even -stamping-with-every-intention-of-mailing-but-not-quite-making-it-to-the-post-office), it wasn't until we had our bouncing baby boy four Christmases ago that we sent out our first Christmas cards. And of course those Christmas cards were a close-up shot of our cute kid. We even included a letter, AND we actually sent them (hey, once I get bitten by the motivation bug there's no stopping me)! Before we had kids, there really was no need for us to send letters or even pictures. Because for us, before the kids came, there was really only so much to report year after year. If I had written Christmas letters for the first 4-5 years of our marriage they would have read something like this: Dear family & friends, We're doing well. We're still in school. We're still working. We still don't have any kids. We still don't have any money. Merry Christmas until next year (when all will still be the same!). But kids provide the best material for Christmas letters! And so, we've written and sent Christmas cards/letters every year since Squeak was born.

(Because I just can't help myself, here's a gratuitous photograph of one of my cuties. This is what graced our Christmas cards that first year we sent them.)

But reading the thread made me feel a little self-conscious. After reading people's peeves with Christmas letters, I worry: are my letters too braggy? Are my letters too boring (surely other people are interested in my kids? Surely other people think they're cute, too?)? Are my letters too ____________ (fill-in-the-blank: long, short, preachy, secular, phony, real, etc)?

But you know what? After considering all that for more than a minute, I really don't care. I like writing them and I like receiving and reading them. So I will assume that everyone else does too. And if any of my friends/family members are too busy to read my one-page letter (and you call yourself my friend?!), or if they feel my letter is too [choose your adjective], well then they don't have to read it. Not my problem.

So this year, I will definitely (as always) send a letter full of cute anecdotes of my most-adorable kids and pictures to back them up.

I'm getting my Christmas cards from Shutterfly this year, for three reasons: 1. I have, in years past, received Shutterfly cards from loved ones and thought they looked elegant and classy and simple. I like that. 2. I have had excellent results with Shutterfly in other arenas (more specifically, Photo Books. I've used several websites to make photo books and Shutterfly is definitely the most user-friendly and has the best service (ahem, take notes, Fujifilm), and the books are of a great quality, too.). And 3. Shutterfly is sending me 50 free cards for writing this (but really, I was considering Shutterfly anyway, even before I heard about this opportunity. But offer me free anything and I will definitely take the bait!). Psssst! Shutterfly can send you free cards, too! See?

I'm actually having a really, REALLY hard time deciding which cards to get. Shutterfly has such an awesome selection. I'm really digging their Flat Stationary Cards. They're printed on cardstock and they just look so stylish, so classic and tasteful. You should go take a look and help me decide which ones to order. And while you're there, you should order some for yourself. Just not the same ones I (eventually) decide to order. Because that would be awkward.

Speaking of awkward, I feel not at all awkward about shamelessly promoting a good product in order to get some of that good product for free. So if you have anything YOU want shamelessly promoted, I'll totally be your girl!

Thanks, Shutterfly!

Whirlwind

2010-11-14T16:51:00.000-07:00

Summer vacations, my birthday, Halloween, autumn... It's all going too fast. I don't even know where it has all gone. I don't understand how my baby boy can be four already, how my little newborn girl is already 18 months old. How is it already almost Christmas again? Why won't life just slow down a little?

In 3 more of Squeak's up-till-now lifetimes he will be in high school, driving, dating, going to school dances, playing school sports or starring in school performances (or going to math/science competitions, or doing whatever it is his little heart decides to do). He will be grown up and gone before I know it.

In another year and a half I will release him to someone else's care for half a day, to be under others' influences. And once that happens, I won't be able to keep him so blissfully naive and protected. He will be exposed to cruelty, delinquency, bullying, popularity, exclusion, swearing, drugs, sex... I just want to wrap him up and keep him untainted and unaware of the cruelties of life. Can he just be my baby forever?

My Pixie is still young, too young for me to realize that her life is passing too quickly already as well. But when I do realize it, it paralyzes me. I realize as I nurse her that soon I won't anymore. I will forget what she feels like snuggled into my arms, her feet rubbing together, her hands wrapped around my breast. When she talks, I realize that soon (oh, too soon!), she will talk more clearly. Her laugh will change. Her face will mature. Her toddle will become more coordinated. And all her little nuances that I see and hear every day will be gone forever. And as hard as I try to remember them, I will forget. I will forget what exactly she was like at 18 months of age just as I have already forgotten what exactly she was like at 9.

These memories that I hold so dear to my heart already evade me. It is a cruel trick in life that the things which we cherish most are so easily forgotten. Why can't our brains work like a video recorder? The information, the memories, the experiences, they are all stored there, somewhere, in the folds of our brains. Why can't we access them at will?

Why does time pass so quickly when you become a parent? These moments I so want to savor have a way of just passing me by.

Babies, please slow down.

Final Score = Mom: 2; Kids: 4,377,985

2010-10-27T13:09:00.012-06:00

In Competition: Clean House, Me vs. My Kids, they always win. And I'm just about ready to throw in the towel for good.

(this is really just a *teensy* smattering of the mess my kids have made this morning)

On Monday, I spent the ENTIRE day doing damage control. I did 6 loads of laundry (and still had 2 more leftover), I did 2 loads of dishes (and still had a sink full), I swept the kitchen floor 5 times. I took the trash out 3 times. I menu-planned and made a grocery list. I bathed the kids. I made banana-chocolate chip bread. We took a trip to the pumpkin patch and had Family Home Evening. I was seriously super-woman. Yesterday, we were out all day: preschool, library, grocery shopping, errands, Halloween carnival. And SOMEHOW... today the house looks like ground zero again.

I have diapers in the wash. A load of whites on deck. Dishes waiting to be unloaded from the dishwasher. Two sinks full of dirty dishes. A kitchen and living room floor that need to be swept and mopped. Clean laundry waiting to be put away. Bathrooms that need to be cleaned. Carpets that need to be vacuumed. Shelves (and blinds, and ceiling fans, and window tracks) that need to be dusted. A fridge full of old food. Kids that need to be fed, and bathed, and changed (/pottied), and dressed, and fed again, and napped, and fed again (and again and again and again). Floors cluttered with toys and books. Dinner to be made. More dishes to be washed. More counters and tables to be wiped. More floors to be swept and mopped.

It just never ends!

There are also things like showering, exercising, napping (because the "baby" was up 3 times and the kid once last night), keeping the kids from killing each other (which gets more difficult every day), offering my children love and support as mothers should do, making Halloween costumes, getting the pumpkins carved, making two plates of treats (and xeroxing the required papers) to pass along the "You've Been Boo'ed" plate that we received over a week ago...

And all I want to do on this cold, somewhat snowy day is stay in my jammies, curled up in bed with a good book and a mug of cocoa, and read and sleep the day away.

What's a mommy to do???

Wordless Wednesday

2010-10-20T10:43:00.001-06:00

Having the previous entry as my top entry was depressing me, so here ya go! I love how little ones just find everything, wood chips at the park included, so interesting.

Just to bring you all down with me...

2010-10-18T23:01:00.004-06:00

I've got a bad case of the nostalgias tonight. Just a warning. I'm in a downright whiny mood.

I miss my best friend. Not only does she live nearly 600 miles away, but we just aren't connected anymore. I mean how connected can you be when you don't share any daily comings and goings, really? Maybe some people can make it work. Just like some people can make long-distance relationships work. I never could. I've never been good at long-distance relationships of any kind. I find that without the memories that are made during daily interactions there is not much there on which to build a friendship, and without the knowledge of the daily occurrences of someone's life, there is just not much to talk about. In a life like my own, where the only things that ever change are the small day-to-day things, there is just nothing to say if you don't share in at least some of those day-to-day things. There's just nothing to talk about. So what's new? Nothing. Still just staying at home with my kids. Still married to my teacher-student hubby. Still living in the same place. Still doing the same things. Nothing new with my kids, nothing new with my family, nothing new with me. If you aren't around to know that I take Squeak to preschool on Tuesdays and go with him to a different preschool on Thursdays, how can you ask about how it's going? If you aren't around to know what book I just finished reading, how can you ask how I enjoyed it?

We used to be so close, she and I. Friends since 5th grade.

After I moved away right before 10th grade she came to spend the summer with me. I went back for a visit the next year. We talked on the phone every Friday night, without fail. Even though I was 600 miles away, I was there with her through her high school crushes, her horrible friend dramas, her meeting and dating and going to prom with her now-husband. She was with me through the tears and loneliness of moving to a new school and trying to make new friends in the middle of high school, and my first boyfriend, my first kiss, school dances and tests and college applications. I don't know when exactly we started to grow apart, maybe we both started going out more on Friday nights, maybe I became too involved in my own life, maybe it wasn't until I moved away to go to college, it might not have even been until I met my now-husband. I can't remember, but somewhere along the way we stopped talking so frequently, stopped being each other's #1 friend and confidant, and we drifted. And then it was hard to get it back. And now I just miss her so desperately but I don't know what to do about it.

If I am honest you will see how selfish I am. One of the things that makes this so hard for me is that she has a new best friend, not just a "best friend," but a true-blue BFF, and here I am as alone as ever. No, not alone, because I have my husband and my kids and my sisters, but with no one to take her place. I have friends, even some "best friends," but I don't have another her. It sounds pathetic, but I have not made another true friend like her since, well, her, in 5th grade. No true-blue best friend forever.

And writing this, I know how pathetic it sounds, how like a forlorn lover I sound. Jealous because she's moved on and I haven't. Seriously. How messed up does that sound? But I just miss her, and maybe even more than that, I miss having someone who *gets* me, who I can laugh with and be childish with and have heart-to-hearts with and who I can have inside jokes with (sentence-ending prepositions be danged right now!). I mean someone other than my husband, because as much as I love and adore him and our relationship, sometimes you just need a girl friend.

And possibly the worst thing about all this is that I don't foresee my situation changing anytime soon, because, let's face it, I am just no good at making friends. You'd think after 8 school-changing moves in my growing-up years I would be an old pro, but really I just suck. I am horrible at making friends. And even when I have friends, I am horrible at making friendships evolve (since I've already made this whole thing sound like dating, let's just go with it even further). I can be surface friends with someone for a very long time, and no matter how much I may like that person or want to have a deeper friendship with them, I just don't know how to do it.

Basically I'm screwed.

And I'm a loser.

And I'm lonely.

And I miss my Mag.

And I'm a big-time whiner.

And I'm going to bed.

Four Years of Motherhood

2010-09-29T13:33:00.002-06:00

Dear Squeak,

Today you are four. FOUR. FOUR!

Happy birthday Baby Boy. I can't believe you've been around for four whole years already. It is unreal to me that you are already so big, and that not long ago you were a squeaking tiny newborn. It seems like yesterday. And yet, I feel like I've known you forever. You are woven into every part of me. Thank you for making me a mommy.

When you were a baby, you were independent and happy and chubby. You had a smile to melt my heart. Your giggle... oh your little baby giggle. So sweet.

When you were one, you were a little cherub. Sweet round face, curly blonde hair, pure love. You were full of energy and very talkative. You loved animals. You still had that sweet baby giggle. Your little one-year-old self made me feel like my heart might explode with love.

And then you turned two. And you were smart, inquisitive, curious. You loved to talk and sing. You gave your toys little voices. You loved to read, book after book. You loved to make us all laugh. Your giggle, oh that adorable little giggle. You still had it. You finally became my little cuddle bug, sitting in my lap and giving me hugs and kisses. And I loved you even more than ever before.

At three, you exploded with personality. You loved to play make-believe. I couldn't believe your imagination. You were so smart. Your love for reading grew. I was amazed by the things you knew and remembered. You lived to make others laugh. All of a sudden, my little baby was a boy with giant personality. Getting to know you was a joy. I loved you more than I did before.

And today you turn four. I am amazed by you each day. You are intelligent, compassionate, sweet, loving, thoughtful, polite, imaginative, inquisitive. You are happy. I look at you and my heart warms. I have never known someone who loves and embraces life like you do. You have so much joy. You spend your days giggling. And when you giggle, I can see, hidden below your now-boyish face and body, my baby.

I love you, my Squeak. How I do love you. Thank you for filling my days with laughs. Happy birthday, Love.
Love always,
Mommy

Just Wonderin'

2010-09-28T14:23:00.001-06:00

How exactly does LinkWithin decide which posts to link together? What is the criteria they use? I am convinced it is totally random. Because really, how else do you link an entry about Making Friends as an Adult with an entry about Cloth Diapers? Or an entry about Goals with an entry about Milk of Magnesia? Or an entry about Tolerance with an entry about my Birth Story?

Seriously, LinkWithin, how does your little widget brain work?

Product Endorsements

2010-09-27T14:20:00.006-06:00

Some days my love for certain little things in my life border on obsession. Here're my latest:

Flipsides!

OhMyGosh. I love these things. Pretzel. Cracker. Do I need to say more?

Library movies

Two weeks free! 4 DVDs at a time! Basically unlimited VHS tapes! One week grace period (Did ya get that? Free movies for 3 weeks!). 10 cent per day late fees! Any kids' movie my kid could want! True love!

Cooking Blogs

I may never need to buy another cookbook again! I love the internets. Any recipe I could possibly desire, right there quite literally at my fingertips.

Hulu.com and Icefilms.info

This is how I stay up to date with all my favorite shows, and live on a school-teacher salary. And I can watch whenever it's convenient to me (since we are clearly too low-budge for DVR, or cable, or dish, or actually anything we would have to *pay* for).

Baby Tylenol
(the generic stuff, of course. See above.)

I don't like medicating my kids, but when I haven't slept more than 20 minutes straight in two weeks, I am not totally against it. Pixie has been working on her molars, and last night Tylenol saved my life. I slept for four hours straight. And then I slept for four more hours straight. It was a glorious thing.

Kirkland brand powder laundry detergent

How do I love you? Let me count the ways. You are cheap. You last forever. You get my clothes clean but don't leave lingering perfume smells. You clean the diapers without making them smell like dead fish. You don't give my kids rashes. What would I do without you? Please read this, Costco, and NEVER discontinue it like you did with my beloved Kirkland brand powder dishwasher detergent (you blasted store!).

Real fruit juice popsicles

Husband craves ice cream; I crave these. He usually wins. I eat ice cream anyway. I get fat. I blame Husband. My love for popsicles stays strong.

Do you have any endorsements for your current favorite products? Share please. I am always looking for some good enabling of my obsessions.

10 Things

2010-09-03T12:41:00.004-06:00

A few things:

1) I'm tired. Really, really tired. Much to my hubby's dismay, there is no sleep-training going on in this house. So here's where the battle in my brain occurs. I have always wanted 3-4 kids. I don't agree with letting a baby "cry it out." I simply CANNOT handle being sleep deprived for another several years. So which is it? Do I decide 2 babies is enough and enjoy finally getting some sleep (eventually)? Do I have a 3rd and let it cry so I can get some sleep? I know this isn't something I need to decide right now, but I really *don't* want to forget how badly the sleep-deprivation sucks when it is time to decide. So mental post-it note: I am not a happy mama when I don't get sleep. I can handle it for about a year. Then I get the crazy-eyes and I just really don't like myself much. And just an FYI, we're leaning towards not having more children for various other reasons as well. Is that too 21st century? Only 2 kids?

2) Canning. For or against? I have long been against (for me, not for you. Serious props to you if you can can. Can-can. ha ha.) because I get overwhelmed easily, and just the thought of possibly giving my family botulism makes me hyperventilate. But I'm thinking of giving it a go. Nothing fancy, just tomatoes and (possibly) beans. We are wanting to move away from using canned stuff, and tomatoes and beans are just about all we use anymore. So. Should I? Or should I continue to be scared of it for eternity? This does lead me to number 3.

3) I'm really exhausted of feeling like a less-than mother. I think I am suffering from a bit of inspiration-overload. I spend a bit of time every day scouring the good old world wide web for ideas about this or that (new recipes to add to my meal plans; lesson plans for preschool; free activities to do with my kids; discipline solutions; etc.). All these blogs, full of creativity and educational experiences and beautiful photographs, instead of inspire me, really cripple me. I start to feel really inadequate. I don't know how these bloggers not only have the time/energy to come up with the ideas for all their projects, but then also carry them through beautifully, their children cooperate fully (and soak up the experience), they thoroughly document the experience with their superior photography skills, AND THEN they blog about it. Is there some magic place out there where there are twice as many hours in a day? Or do these superwomen just not sit down to breathe, or sleep, at all, ever?

4) My in-laws are driving me cuh-razy.

5) I have a migraine for the third day straight.

6) I'm making Gang Dang (not using that recipe, but it was the best I could find that had an appetizing photograph) for dinner tonight. Or tomorrow. Or Sunday. Or Monday. Whenever my headache goes away. But guaranteed, sometime this week. Mmmm.

7) Three-day weekend!!! Woohoo!

8) I am in love with my Pixie's hugs and kisses. Real, lip-smacking kisses, and tight squeezes around the neck. This morning she greeted me with a loud "Hiiii!" followed by a huge hug and a big wet kiss planted straight on my lips. So sweet.

9) The Squeak had strep throat. He was tired and calm and cuddly for one day. Then he was back to his rambunctious self. After 9 days of antibiotics, today he developed a mysterious rash. Doc thinks it could likely be a reaction to the amoxicillin.

10) I'm really wanting some watermelon but the last 2 I bought have been mushy and not that great. Is it already too late for good watermelon? *cries*

Five Little Campers

2010-08-26T09:08:00.009-06:00

We had a little family adventure last week. We packed up the kids, the dog, two tents (because the Squeak insisted on sleeping in his Ikea tent *inside* our family tent), four sleeping bags, four pillows, four ThermaRest sleeping pads, one Pack & Play, four bags of clothes, fishing gear, life jackets, towels, one cooler, and a whole bunch of snacks and we went camping in the mountains of Idaho for 3 days and 2 nights. We spent the time getting dirty, playing in the freezing cold (ironically-named) "Warm River," hiking, fishing, tubing, eating, and not sleeping. All in all a very successful camping trip!

The area was beautiful (I had my doubts, since the entire 3 1/2 hours it took to get there were not at all...) and the weather was perfect. I don't think a campout would be campout without some rain, and so we enjoyed a hike and getting packed up to leave in the mountain rain one morning.

We have only averaged about one camping trip a year since we've had kids, and this last one not only reminded me why that is, but also inspired me to do it more often. Camping with kids is a lot of work (A LOT), but it was so, so worth it.

Writer's Block

2010-08-19T16:38:00.004-06:00

I wish I could get out of this writing rut.

If I could, I would write about the following things:

*how my days alternate between two kinds of horrible: day one=Squeak pestering the baby nonstop and being mean and annoying and not listening and yelling and being too physical all day long. day two=Squeak whining and crying and having meltdowns and freak-outs over literally every minuscule thing. It is making me wonder if there is indeed something not-quite-right about him. Emotionally? Or behaviorally? Because surely this can't be normal.

*how my step-mother really and truly belongs in a Disney movie. Like of the "wicked step-mother" variety. She is emotionally about 13 years old. Maybe younger. Maybe she's more like 7. I can't quite decide.

*how we are suddenly struggling financially. Debt has gotten a hold of us and we are trying to shake it. Monthly bills, mortgage, car loan, medical bills, school tuition (did I tell you that Santiago is going back to school to get his Ed.D, or Education Doctorate if you couldn't figure it out?), rising gas and food prices. It's all getting to be a bit much. We looked into refinancing, or downsizing our house (which we bought before we knew that Tiago would be needing back surgery, and that not only would we have massive debt because of the surgery itself, but also that we would be needing to buy two new cars as a result of said surgery), but we are basically stuck. If we refinance, we pay $7K for lower interest rates, consolidate our 2 mortgages, and then have to pay PMI. Which in turn would not lower our monthly payments by a whole lot (maybe $100/month. Which doesn't make the $7K in closing costs worth it...). If we sell and get a smaller, not so nice house, we lose all our equity in realtor fees, closing costs, title fees, etc. And we lose money because we bought when the market was high, and now the market is low. Without that equity, even if we bought a considerably cheaper home, like a short-sale, we wouldn't have enough to put 20% down to avoid PMI. So we would be out our equity, and we still wouldn't have any lower payments. AND with a short-sale, we would need to put thousands of dollars of work/repairs into fixing it up. What I mostly hate about being in our financial position (firmly lower-middle class) is that when you start to struggle financially, there is no responsible thing to do. We would love to sell our house and buy one that could afford better, now that we're having troubles making ends meet, but that's not possible. The only option we would have would be to go delinquent and just walk away from our mortgage. Which we won't do. We will really need to tighten up our budget, but since having kids, everything feels like a necessity. We can't very well stop buying fresh fruit and veggies and eat the cheap stuff anymore, because now we have kids to keep healthy. We can't just not buy clothes when the kids outgrow their things. Even if we don't have money, the kids need to be dressed...

That's what I would write about, if I weren't in a writing rut.

the dating game

2010-08-03T16:44:00.005-06:00

Making friends as an adult is just the grown-up, married version of dating. It's not "a lot like dating." It IS dating.

You meet someone. You see that person (at church, at the park, at a playdate, whatever the case may be), and you *want* to sit next to her, but it makes you nervous. What if you say something stupid? What if you can't think of anything to say at all (well, in my case, this is not a hypothetical. I can never think of anything to say to someone I don't know well)? What if she doesn't like you and thinks you're lame and wishes you would never have talked to her in the first place? What if she has a BFF and isn't looking for any more friends, thankyouverymuch.?

And then it just gets more complicated, because even if you muster up all your courage, and you sit next to her, and you talk to her, and you don't make a fool of yourself, and you (think) you hit it off with her, that's only really 1/4 of the equation. What about her husband? And your husband? Will they "connect?" And will *you* like her husband? And will he like *you?* And will your husband like her? And will she like him? Gah, it's all so confusing!!!

So let's say that all the stars align, and everyone *seems* to get along with everyone else. So you decide to get together to eat appetizers and play Rockband some night (the couples-equivalent of dinner-and-a-movie). It goes as well as a "first date" can be expected to go. You come home excited because you *think* you could really like them, but also nervous and apprehensive, because, what if they don't like you as much as you like them, and if only they really knew you they would love you, and darnit, why do you have to be so shy and stay in your shell and not let people see the real you all the time?!

Soon, you see them again (at church, the park, a playdate, wherever), and you get those butterflies. Should you say something about what a great time you had? Will that seem desperate? Should you invite them to do something? Will they think you're pathetic and/or needy if you want to do something with them two weekends in a row?

You wait it out, and eventually, you all get together again. A second time, a third time. After the fourth "date," when you talked until 2 in the morning, you finally feel like you know the real them, and they know the real you. You finally feel like you've made a real connection. This could be it! They could be "the ones!" You want to see them again, but since you made the last invitation, should you wait, let the ball be in their court?

And then it comes. The call, or the email, or the facebook message, saying, "We should get together again soon. Does Saturday night work for you?" And you get that giddy feeling. It's pathetic, really. Why should someone have that effect on you?! But you can't help it. This proves everything! They like you! They really like you!

And so a relationship begins. And the dating game NEVER ends!

(Our best couple friends divorced about a year ago, and we have yet to fill the void they left in our lives! We have other friends, dear, dear friends, but no one with whom we both feel absolutely at ease with, like we did with them. I hate dating!)

The good life

2010-08-03T16:24:00.004-06:00

Seriously? I did it AGAIN? I neglected my blog? Oops. I don't know why I just haven't been feeling the whole BLOG thing lately, but I haven't. I'll try to do better (why do I suddenly feel like I am back in school, making excuses about why I didn't finish one assignment or another?)...

Life has been hectic. I finished my project for church. It didn't turn out perfectly but it turned out well enough (I think. I hope. We'll see when the youth of the entire stake view it in a few weeks...). I am just glad to be done with it.

Squeak is in the throes of three. I swear, that kid is an anomaly. I know three is bad for everybody, but something about him and his personality makes it THE WORST for me (I know! I totally just one-upped ALL OF YOU - all two of you who read my blog!!!). I'm kidding. I know he's not the worst. But some days (about every other day, if I'm being honest) it feels like it.

While I'm one-upping, my one-year-old is the WORLD'S WORST SLEEPER. Care to challenge her title? She will defend it well, I assure you. Last night, I went to bed at 11 and got up at 6 (courtesy of the lil' miss). In those 7 hours, I was up FOUR times with her. She has also decided that 6 a.m. is an ideal wake-up time and that two 30-minute naps a day is plenty... I'm tired to say the least.

But life isn't all bad. My kids are great. Even when they're not sleeping. Even when they're throwing major fits because we can't have suckers for dinner. They really are awesome. Squeak is sweet and loving and smart and inquisitive and dramatic and passionate and curious and funny. Pixie is learning and talking and running and kissing and imitating every move we all make and just making me laugh all day long. I love those two little hellions.

To illustrate my point, Pixie just stopped nursing, tugged on my nipple, and said "Ding-dong!"

Aah, life is sweet! :D

I'm goin' to Disneyland

2010-07-14T13:01:00.008-06:00

Okay, well, it should really be "I went to Disneyland," but then you wouldn't get that catchy little song stuck in your head, and what good would I be to you then?

That's my excuse for why I haven't written in...well...I don't really remember the last time I wrote.

But I threw a few birthday parties, and played host to family members a few times, and took a needed vacation. And all of a sudden, here it is mid-July. Just like that.

First my baby girl turned ONE. I'll spare you (most of) the cliches, but seriously, HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!

My papae turned 70. Daddy-o's all grown up. Isn't he cute? I love my dad.

My sister and her kids stayed for a brief visit. The 4 older cousins had a few sleepovers. I love watching the kids' relationships develop. It reminds me of being a kid with my own cousins. Such fun.

I bought a dress for $2.99. Yeah, not that noteworthy, but I have little to brag about, so just let me, mkay?

I took a trip to California. Words cannot express how in love I am with San Clemente. It just feels like home (well, it feels like how home would feel if I had a spare mil lying around to pay for home...).

My kids love the beach/beachhouse. Squeak loves the beach, but mostly loves the beachhouse (primarily because it has bunkbeds). Pixie these days really hates anything that keeps her inside, so she wasn't too keen on the beachhouse (although she was happy when we left the doors open and she could wander out onto the balcony). Her true love is for the ocean. She couldn't get enough.

We also went to Disneyland. Squeak dressed as Peter Pan, and met Peter Pan. Perfection!

Pixie adored the Tiki Room.

We enjoyed ourselves a lot more on this trip than on our October Disneyland trip. The day was relaxed and low-key. We took a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day (staying at the Park Vue Inn right across from the main gate=BRILLIANT!). The weather was perfect, crowds weren't too bad, and we all just had a fun time. Even my all-things-childish (translation: fun) hating hubby. He won't admit it now to anyone we know, but he actually told me that day that he had a "really fun day." It is no surprise that I enjoyed myself. I am basically 7 years old eternally. I love Disneyland. Even better that we didn't have to pay to get in (thank you, "Give a Day, Get a Day!"). Even *better* than Squeak was tall enough to go on all the fun rides! I love having a kid who's old enough to do all those fun kid things with me. It is totally parent-perk number 2 (right after all those love feelings having kids gives you!)!

And I am already aching to go back. To California. Or to Disneyland. Or just to Vacation. I'm not picky. I am not enjoying real-life too much right now. The in-laws were here for a week and left this morning. I need to clean out the fridge. Do laundry. Weed the gardens. Clean my room. Return books to the library. All those fun real-life chores. And I am also stressing about a project I need to get done. But instead of doing it, I am doing what I do best, which is procrastinating it. 2 weeks to the deadline. Can I do it?

On a related note, anyone know of a spaceship I can use to film a movie in, somewhere along the Wasatch Front?

Momma did a bad, bad thing

2010-06-02T20:59:00.003-06:00

I'm not sure if my voice is hoarse because I have a sort-of cold or because I've spent all day yelling. How horrible is that?

The baby screamed all day long. She threw major tantrum after major tantrum, over things like not being able to climb onto her chair and me making her lie down for a diaper change and getting cooked carrots for dinner (oh the injustice! Except that after she actually calmed down enough to try some she realized she loves cooked carrots, and ate two whole bowls...).

It wasn't the baby I was yelling at all day, though.

It was the preschooler who insisted on imitating the baby's every wail. The preschooler who responded to every request with a firm "No!" The preschooler who threw the forehead thermometer thingy across the living room and broke it, even though he KNOWS the rule is to throw only balls. The preschooler who took out all my cds and dvds that hold our digital photographs and scattered them around the floor, even though he KNOWS the rule is to NEVER, EVER touch Mommy's discs. The preschooler who makes me feel like a total failure as a mother.

I don't know how to teach him, how to discipline him, how to talk to him so he actually hears me and listens to me.

Today was a bad, bad day.

gettin' back to bootylicious!

2010-06-02T09:05:00.001-06:00

I am getting serious about losing some weight and getting my body back! Anyone wanna get serious with me???

My starting weight, before I started working out at all a few months ago, was (I hate typing this out) 173. My goal weight? I don't really know. I am aiming for 150, but I would love to get down to 140, which is what I weighed in high school. I am not as concerned with weight as I am with the shape of my body and with being tone and fit.

My current weight is
167.

My plan? Well I workout almost every weekday morning with some friends, while our kids play. We do various videos: Jillian Michael's No More Trouble Zones & 30-Day Shred, Biggest Loser stuff, some happy chick that I want to punch in the face, p90x Yoga, Windsor Pilates, etc. Then I walk briskly with same friends, while pushing Squeak in the stroller and carrying Pixie on my back in a Mei Tai. I also just joined a gym that I will use primarily for the classes. I did my first Zumba class last night, and plan to sometimes go in the mornings before Santiago goes to work (5 am wake-up! I told you I was getting serious!) and sometimes in the evenings when Santiago can watch the kids (which, starting pretty soon, is not going to be very often, because...wait for it...Tiago is starting his doctorate later this month!). I'll do a class on Saturday mornings, also.

I am also making some major dietary changes. We've been eating out way too much recently. I hate it. So I'm cutting back on that. I'll consider eating out maybe once a week (like on date night), max. Also, and this is a big one, I am cutting out sweet treats and sugars. I will still eat things like yogurt and cereal sometimes, but I am not going to eat candy, or ice cream, or cookies, or the like anymore. This one will be really hard for me, because I have a major sweet tooth, but I have been feeling lately that this is something I need to do for my health (not just for my weight).

Okay, sorry for the boring post, but I felt like I needed to get it all out there! Now it's time to head out for my morning workout.

Seriously, though, anyone wanna join me in this???

my shameless plug!

2010-05-28T22:17:00.006-06:00

Guess what?

I'm being featured as a guest author on Segullah! Tomorrow (Saturday)!

I feel way more excited than I should be about this.

Never read Blog Segullah? You really should (especially tomorrow!). It is wonderful. I am so honored that they accepted my submission.

And that is all.

A, B, C, & D

2010-05-12T14:36:00.006-06:00

Oof. What happened to me?

I've been busy. Busy planting gardens, busy planning parties, busy making movies, busy reading horrible vampire books. No time in this busy life for writing in my blog, it would seem.

So A). I've been planting gardens. Although not the very one I care most about (or at all about), that is, my vegetable garden. Not that one, because as I sit here typing this, it is rainy and cold. Too cold for tomatoes. So I've been planting in my 6 flowerbeds, which I hate. Flowerbeds=weeding. Flowerbeds=flowers instead of veggies. Flowerbeds=too much work, too little reward. But our house has SIX blasted flowerbeds, so in order to not look like the trash of the neighborhood, I must take care of them (And yes, apparently, it really is that bad to be the trash of the neighborhood, according to my husband...). Instead, I planted a lot of ground cover really close together. Did I plant enough to eventually keep out the weeds? Here's hoping. It worked with the irises that I haphazardly tossed, 3 years ago, in the dirt between the window wells (OH! Flowerbed number 7, I guess. SEVEN blasted flowerbeds! Why? WHY?).

And B). I've been planning parties. My Pixie is turning 1 (ONE!) on Friday. I absolutely LOVE the stage she is entering, but when I look at pictures of her newborness, I can't help but cry a little inside (okay, and maybe outside, too). It is absolutely wrenching at my heart, moreso because there is a very real possibility that this is it. She may be my last, my final, my baby. At this point, I've basically accepted that two will be it, unless Santiago or I get a very strong impression otherwise. The thought that I will never again hold my sleeping newborn on my chest rips at my heart a little. I want lots and lots of newborns, but no pregnancies. Lots and lots of babies-morphing-into-toddlers, but no preschoolers. Oh, and while I'm making requests, I want all those newborns and babies and toddlers (and my own two littles) to sleep through the night. Is that really to much to ask?

Back on task. Pixie is turning one. And so, since she will forever remember her first birthday, and our entire mother-daughter relationship is hinged on how overboard I go, I will be having quite the blowout (just another sidenote, I definitely know I have successfully joined the ranks of mother, evidenced by the fact that I am contemplating changing "blowout" into some other word less reminiscent of diapers. When did I stop associating the word blowout with parties and start associating it instead with poop?). Yes, my kids will have no reason to resent me when they're grown (at least, none having to do with birthdays, unless they turn out somehow totally backwards like their father, and hate birthdays, and holidays, and basically everything FUN, in which case they will resent me for throwing THE BEST parties! Weirdos...). I love throwing parties. Kids' birthday parties in particular. Every year I say I will just keep it low-key, and every year I get a little carried away with trying to attain perfection. Not that I turn into some crazy primadona, renting ponies and throwing money everywhere. I keep things simple, but I just love a good theme! (And I just typed a very long paragraph containing an entire history of Squeak's parties. We'll have to save that for another post, another day...) So now it's Pixie's turn for the fun. Since she is not really showing any particular interests yet, I chose a generic "flower" theme for her party. I sent invitations (of course with cutesy flower puns. I'm such a good mom.) printed on green paper and attached to a silk flower. We are celebrating at the park. We'll be grilling veggie kebabs and burgers, and eating salad. Eve will be getting a cake made out of fruit (fruit cake? No. Fruit shaped into a cake? Yes.). I am making a flower cake (with a surprise rainbow inside!) for everyone else (mostly because Squeak insists we have a birthday cake!). Decorations will be simple, white tablecloth with yellow and pink place settings, flowers in jars or pots, and maybe some balloons, and tissue paper flowers lining the walk to the tables. Her party will be this Saturday, and in addition to my family, my two best girls from college will be coming as well, with their boys who are just 5 1/2 weeks and 3 weeks older than Pixie (Pixie's future boyfriends will have to fight over her! We are so setting them up. We are awesome moms.). I am stoked. I love my kids' birthdays! ;)

B 1/2). My dad is turning 70 in June! So my sisters and I are planning a big surprise BLOWOUT for him. This has been more stressful than I can communicate. Mostly because in addition to this blowout (how many times can I use that word today? 10?), my cousins are in town from a faraway South American country for the first time in 13 years, and so we are having blowout upon blowout this month and next. First one is tomorrow (then Pixie's party thrown in the mix on Saturday). Then another on the following Saturday. Then cousins stay at my house for a couple days next weekend. Then more blowouts before they leave at the end of May, then

OH OH OH! I interrupt this highly exciting paragraph to share the even more exciting news that MY NEW SEWING MACHINE just pulled up in the Fed Ex truck! YAY! 3-6 days before it was scheduled to arrive! :D

Okay, where was I? Right, blowouts galore. So my sisters and I are in the final stages of planning my dad's blowout. We have sent the invitations, booked the venue, decided on the food, and made the assignments. Last thing to is make the movie.

Which leads me into C). Segue-queen, I am!

C). We're making a movie for my dad's birthday gift. It sounds easy enough, but it is really quite an undertaking. Mostly trying to get all the pictures from all my sisters. When I have them all, I will plug them into my nifty Windows Movie Maker and fill the time with songs. It's good practice for... wait for it...

C 1/2). Told you I was segue-queen. C 1/2). I am making a movie for church. Specifically, for youth conference this summer. I have to choose the theme, plan it, write the script, design/make the costumes, design the set and somehow make it materialize, cast the youth, whip them into shape so we can actually film the movie, and then edit it all and make it look good (perhaps in spite of the youth, who sometimes just cannot be whipped into shape). And all by the end of June! I'm writing my script based on Star Wars. Which means, I have to actually *watch* Star Wars (for the first time since the '80s). This makes my husband very happy. It's going to be so awesome. A real blowout. Are you convinced?

D). Also, are you convinced that I actually did read not one, but FOUR books about vampires (yeah, well, that's the best segue I've got. You try to segue from making a Star Wars movie to books about vampires and see how well YOU do...)? And I am just as convinced as ever (more, even) that I really do hate Twilight. Why did I read thousands of pages just to be sure? Just call me Ms. Masochist...

And as wonderful as I am at segueing, I am really, really horrible at concluding. So this is all ya get. You're welcome.

(And for those wondering, the total count is 11. I can use the word blowout 11 times in one blog post. I'd like to see you try to do better!)

THE BEST...

2010-04-13T14:05:00.006-06:00

I am the world's BEST procrastinator. And I am proud of it. There are not many things at which I can claim to be THE BEST, so I take what I can get.

For instance, today, instead of:

1. doing laundry (all 4 loads that need to be done)

2. unloading and reloading the dishwasher

3. figuring out dinner

4. taking a shower

5. putting away clean clothes

6. working on a church project that I really need to get started on

7. vacuuming and mopping

8. pulling weeds

9. cleaning the rabbit's cage

10. giving the dog a bath

11. reading two book club books

(all of which really needed to get done, like, yesterday...),

1. pretended to watch my kids while I really went back to sleep on the recliner in the (babyproofed) baby's room

2. pretended to watch my kids while I tried to figure out how to turn my family blog into a book

3. put a movie on for the Squeak while the Pixie napped and I worked on the very urgent project of making a flannel-board and also worked some more on felt food for the kids' toy kitchen

4. took pictures of my felt food projects:

tomato slices & lettuce leaves (the lettuce leaves are my favorite!):

sandwich with all the fixins: bread, lettuce, tomatoes, swiss cheese, turkey deli meat:

a crunchy taco!:

fried eggs with toast:

5. researched sewing machines and decided to buy this baby to replace my fancy Singer Athena 2000, circa 1975.

6. pretended to watch my kids some more while I updated my blog

And I have grand plans for the rest of the day, too! After I finish this, I plan to deposit both of my kids into their beds for afternoon nap/"quiet time," during which I will waste some more time by either taking a nap, perusing facebook, or watching some Gilmore Girls (or "Few More Girls," as my Squeak calls it).

So what about you, interwebz? What are your amazing plans for today (is it pathetic that I am just now asking about plans for the day, at 2:23 pm? Or just further evidence that my superlative really does fit me?)?

Whole Wheat Bread

2010-04-06T10:29:00.005-06:00

I finished my second project (well, I guess it's technically the fourth project because I started two others first but haven't finished them yet)! I made whole wheat bread, from scratch, without my bread machine! This is an accomplishment for me because I am a bit yeast bread-challenged. I had practiced making several yeast bread doughs (pretzels, pizza dough, bread, etc) with my bread machine before my big no-machine whole wheat bread debut, which I did yesterday. And guess what?! I succeeded! The bread rose just how it should (both times), I didn't under- or over- cook it, and it looked pretty, too (no bread machine kneader hole in the bottom of the loaf!)! AND-- it tasted great! I mean, really, really great. I've eaten half the (smallish) loaf already, all by myself. I baked one loaf and froze two rolls of dough for later. The recipe I used was super easy and I will definitely make it again and again (recipe will be posted below).

(By the way, I realized I should have made about 50 of my 101 things have to do with cooking, because I'm having a lot of fun with those goals, and actually doing them. The rest, well... not doing quite as well...)

I did start making felt food for the kids (goal number 40) but my sewing machine went the way of all the earth, so I'm not sure when that one will get finished... I managed to make 4 lettuce leaves, 3 tomato slices, 2 slices of Swiss cheese, 2 pieces of bread (wonky bread, but bread nonetheless), the top of a hamburger bun, 2 fried eggs, and I started on a taco, a hamburger patty, and the bottom bun before my machine crapped out.

I also started goal number 18, making Hungarian Chicken Paprikash with Nokedli, and I will be finishing it tonight. I made the Chicken Paprikash for our Easter lunch at my Dad's (he made the nokedli), and we have leftover paprikash so I will be making nokedli tonight for dinner. The paprikash turned out really yummy. Not quite like my grandma's (because she never used sour cream for some reason), but still delicious.

So anyway... I'm down with another migraine today so without further ado I will post the recipe, upload the yummy picture, and then, I don't know, maybe go die...

Goal Number 16: Make whole wheat bread from scratch, without using bread machine

I mostly followed this recipe for Simple Whole Wheat Bread from allrecipes, with some modifications.

Ingredients:

3 cups warm water

4 1/2 teaspoons active dry yeast

2/3 cup honey, divided

8 1/2 cups whole wheat flour

3 tablespoons butter, melted

1 tablespoon salt

butter, melted

Directions:

1. In a large bowl, mix water, yeast, and 1/3 cup honey. Add 5 cups flour and stir to combine. Let sit for 30 minutes, or until big and bubbly.

2. Mix in 3 tablespoons melted butter, 1/3 cup honey, and salt. Stir in 2 cups flour. Flour a flat surface and knead with additional whole wheat flour until dough pulls away from the counter, but is still sticky to the touch (I used about an extra cup or two of flour). Place in a greased bowl, turning once to coat surface of the dough. Cover with a dishtowel and let rise in a warm place until doubled in size.

3. Punch down and divide into 3 loaves. I froze two and put the third in a greased loaf pan. Allow dough to rise again until it is about an inch over the top of the pan.

4. Bake at 350 degrees F for 25-30 minutes. Remove bread from pan and brush with melted butter. Cool. Eat. Enjoy!

Hey, It's Okay! Tuesday

2010-03-30T14:35:00.005-06:00

A blog I have been secretly stalking on occasion for years does her own take on Glamour magazine's "Hey, It's Okay!" column. I thought it would be fun to do, too.

Hey, it's okay:

-To pretend you didn't see your 10-month-old letting the dog lick her pear slice before eating it to avoid the meltdown that would most certainly ensue if you were to try to take away said pear slice...

-To engage in your 3 1/2 year-old son's potty humor every now and then, and admit that when you think about, the things he says are pretty funny!

-To laugh at the witty jokes on various television shows even though you don't get their cultural allusions

-To be totally and utterly confused at every single episode of "Lost"

-To pretend you're reading in bed and then go to sleep, so your husband doesn't know you're sleeping and continues to watch his television show (because you love falling asleep to someone else watching TV)

-To feel good that you still sometimes turn heads when you go to the grocery store sans kids

-To wander aimlessly through every aisle at the grocery store when you are there sans kids, and then pretend that the lines were freakishly long when your husband asks what took so long

-To like and listen to Jack Johnson

-To hide in the pantry, with the door closed, when you just need something sweet (but don't want your kids to have any)

-To make desserts you know your husband hates just so you can eat it all

-To never answer your cell phone if you don't recognize the number, and even sometimes when you do

-To wear your pajamas for 3 days straight if you have no plans to leave the house

-To blog rather than do anything productive on days when you have a major migraine...

What about you? What are your "Hey, It's Okay!"s today?

1 down, 100 to go!

2010-03-26T13:20:00.008-06:00

Well I just finished the first of my 101 things!!! I am feeling so accomplished (if not a little nauseated from eating the finished- supersweet- product).

So what epic project did I choose to be my first? Cupcakes, naturally!

Carrot Cupcakes with Maple Cream Cheese Frosting

(recipe taken from CraziBeautifulWomen)

Cupcake Ingredients

1 C flour

3/4 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

3/4 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp nutmeg

1/4 tsp salt

1/3 C granulated sugar

1/3 C packed brown sugar

2 eggs (I used Ener-G egg replacer from my food storage because I realized halfway through that I didn't have any eggs! It worked but I had to add more liquid to get the right consistency.)

1/2 C vegetable or canola oil (I used half canola oil and half olive oil. Because I'm healthy like that. And really because I ran out of canola...)

1 1/2 C lightly finely packed shredded carrots (For me, this was 2 large carrots and 1 small one)

1/3 C dried cranberries or raisins (opt) (I used craisins but will probably leave these out if I make the cupcakes again, because I thought the flavor was way too overpowering.)

nuts (opt) (I really, really hate nuts, so I obviously didn't add any. What a way to ruin a carrot (cup)cake!)

Maple Cream Cheese Frosting

1/2 bar of cream cheese (4 oz)

1/4 C maple syrup

(I also added a bit of powdered sugar to thicken it up, and I added some ground cinnamon and nutmeg to give it a little more flair.)

I also sprinkled some ground cinnamon on top to make it prettier. Cause I was trying to be "gourmet."

Directions

1) Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line with paper liners or grease a muffin tin.

2) Shred carrots and set aside.

3) In a medium mixing bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg.

4) In a large mixing bowl, blend the granulated and brown sugar with the eggs until thoroughly combined. Pour in the oil and continue to mix for about 30 seconds. Pour dry ingredients into egg mixture and add shredded carrots and cranberries. Also add nuts at this time if desired.

5) Divide the batter into the prepared pan. Bake for about 14-18 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the middle of a cupcake in the center of the pan comes out clean. Rotate the pan halfway into baking time. Remove the cupcakes from the pan and cool on a rack to room temperature.

To make the frosting, whisk the maple syrup with the cream cheese until smooth. Frost cooled cupcakes and top with desired topping (optional toppings include: finely chopped toasted pecans, fine sprinkle of ground cinnamon, orange zest) if preferred.

Makes 12 cupcakes.

101 in 1001

2010-03-23T10:07:00.011-06:00

Have you heard of the Day Zero Project? Procrastinator me, I'm doin' it. It's a list of 101 things I want to do, and will do, in the space of 1001 days. No more saying "Someday..." I'm doing it all now.

Health/Fitness:

1) No fast food for a month

2) Eat out no more than once a week, indefinitely (3 months, to start)

3) Complete Couch to 5K program

4) Get allergy tested

5) Get screened for celiac disease

~~6) Lose 5 pounds~~

7) Lose 5 more pounds (total: 10)

8) Lose 5 more pounds (total: 15)

9) Lose 5 more pounds (total: 20)

10) Get rid of toxins and chemicals: from family's skin & hair products, cleaning products, and food

11) Go a month without eating sweet treats

12) Increase flexibility by stretching daily

13) See a therapist

Food/Cooking

14) Make a good pie crust from scratch

15) Perfect homemade whole wheat pizza dough

~~16) Make whole wheat bread from scratch, without using bread machine~~

17) Learn how to make Vovo's Black Forest Cake

~~18) Make chicken paprikash and nokerli from scratch~~

19) Learn how to grill

20) Make a good Thai red curry

~~21) Make tasty, gourmet cupcakes that look presentable, too~~

22) Organize recipe binders

23) Try 10 new sit-down restaurants

Spirituality

24) Attend a live session at the Salt Lake temple

25) Visit all the temples in Utah

26) Read the Bible in its entirety

Reading/Writing

(Read the entire bible)

27) Read 52 books in a year (one per week)

28) Read Jane Austen's complete works

29) Read all 100 books on the BBC's list

30) Clean up and re-submit my short story (or write a new one to submit)

Education

~~31) Take a Zumba class~~

32) Take a photography class to really learn how to use my DSLR

33) Take voice lessons

34) Learn how to play one hymn to perfection on the piano

Creating/Crafts

~~35) Plant a square-foot vegetable garden~~

36) Start an organic garden entirely from seed

37) Sew a t-shirt quilt of my old school team and concert shirts

38) Sew a t-shirt quilt of the kids' old baby clothes for each kid

39) Sew duvet for down comforter

~~40) Make felt food for son and daughter's play kitchen~~

Family/Friends

41) Send birthday and Christmas card/presents to all nieces/nephews & in-laws for an entire year

42) Answer all cell phone calls for one week

43) Make a true friend

44) Write one letter per month for one year, to be sent via snail mail

~~45) Restart sisters' days with Utah sisters~~

46) Go '80s or disco skating with my sisters

47) Go on a vacation with just girl friends/sisters

~~48) Plan K-family reunion get-together (planned a surprise 70th birthday party for my Dad)~~

49) Take family pictures with all sisters and both parents

50) Visit Vovo's grave (Orem, UT)

51) Visit Uncle J's grave (American Fork, UT)

52) Visit Grandma, Grandpa, and Uncle B's graves (Whittier, CA)

Marriage/Kids

53) Have weekly dates with husband

54) Have a week-end getaway with my husband

55) Have sex with hubby every day for a week

~~56) Complete the Love Dare with my husband~~

57) Come up with a family motto

58) Have a "Yes" day with the kids

59) Take videos of the kids once a month

60) Take family pictures every 6 months

~~61) Make photo books of Squeak's first year~~ and of Pixie's first year

Nuts & Bolts

~~62) Back up digital pictures/videos from June '09 - March '10 and~~ store copies at Dad's house

63) Scan (non-digital) photographs and back up and store copies at Dad's house

64) Fill out "Just In Case" binder

65) Write will and have it notarized

Travel/Outdoor Recreation
66) Vacation to a place I've never been

67) Add another stamp to my passport (even if it's just Canada or Mexico!)

68) Go backpacking with the kids

69) Take the family to Hovenweep or somewhere in Southern Utah/Colorado/Arizona to see the Anasazi ruins

70) Hike the Narrows at Zion National Park

71) Take the family on a train ride

72) Canoe into camp with husband and kids

73) Go camping at least once a month during the warmer months

~~74) Have a campfire in the mountains for no reason~~

75) Go skiing/snowboarding

76) Catch a trout on a fly rod

77) Fly a kite with my kids

Miscellaneous Experiences

78) Go to a concert

79) Get a professional massage

80) Watch a meteor shower

81) Get a permit and go out to the woods to chop down our own Christmas tree

82) Take son to the drive-in

83) Go running on the beach

84) Go to a BYU-U of U football game

85) Go to at least one BYU men's volleyball game per season

86) Take son ice skating

87) Host a murder-mystery dinner party

88) Audition for community play/musical

89) Donate hair to Locks of Love

90) Run a 5K race for a good cause

~~91) Donate ALL clothing I haven't used in a year~~

92) Do a random act of kindness for a stranger

93) Take recyclables to bin once a week for 3 months

Superficial Stuff

94) Get new glasses

95) Have my teeth whitened

96) Dye my hair dark

97) Make wardrobe more "grown up" by buying 5 versatile pieces: tailored jacket, bootleg jeans, ~~fitted cardigan,~~ white button-up shirt, flats

98) Buy a pair of expensive jeans that fit and look great

99) Shop with a personal shopper (Nordstrom)

100) Buy several bras that actually fit

101) Put away $1 for each completed task, to be spent how I choose after 1001 days

The writer of this blog received no paid endorsement for this post

2010-03-12T15:43:00.007-07:00

I just have to share this amazing discovery I made.

I can't very well go around talking to people in real life about it. People will think I'm some kind of a WEIRDO. I mean, even more than they already do.

Milk of Magnesia (yes, the stool softener). Is. Amazing.

As a deodorant!

I know, right? Sounds bizarre. But I am seriously in love. I gave up antiperspirant a few years back when I finally admitted that aluminum was a risky ingredient. I was using natural deodorants for awhile, but after having kids the pH of my body must have changed, because they just weren't cuttin' it after that... I used baking soda successfully in between pregnancies, but ever since giving birth to Pixie, that wasn't working either. I was sweating all.the.time (really), and stinky almost as often.

Milk of Magnesia, enter stage right.

My life will never be the same! I know it sounds dramatic, but seriously. A little swab under each arm. Voila. Smell-free. I love that there is seriously no smell at all. No fragrancy lingering (which always gives me headaches), no sweat-smell, nothing. Not even a hint of cherry (which is the flavor of the Milk of Magnesia I just happened to have sitting around when I decided to give it a try).

Glory be to Milk of Magnesia. Forever and ever, Amen.

Rutty-rut-rut, tut-tut!

2010-03-10T11:24:00.004-07:00

I am in a major slump today.

I am just exhausted and my Squeak is wearing my nerves thin.

I didn't exercise this morning (think that could have something to do with it?) and I have no motivation to do anything at all.

I would like to curl up on the couch (oh wait, I already am), read a good book, take a long nap, watch some mindless tv, basically just forget that I have children and responsibilities for just one day.

I could complain about any number of things today. I'm just in that kind of a mood.

But instead I think I'll try and fight it. Get up off the couch. Play with my kid, no matter how crazy he's making me. Get something done. Do something creative. I might even get crazy and take a shower...

My life is blessed. I need to remember that. I chose this life (really, did I? Yes, I did.). I have two amazing, healthy, full-of-life (and energy) children. I get to stay home and be with them, watching every milestone and discovery. I have a husband who loves me. He has a great, secure job that he (mostly) enjoys. I have a beautiful home. Wonderful family. Good friends (few as they are). I have health and a relatively calm, happy life.

And now I need to get off the computer and off the couch (mostly so my head and face are out of reach of my 3-year-old, who clearly does not understand the idea of personal space).

How do you get yourself out of those slumps we all occasionally (or not-so-occasionally) fall into?

I'm Annoyed (Part One, because I get annoyed easily)

2010-03-04T15:45:00.006-07:00

You know what really bugs me?

~When both kids are asleep, and the husband is at work, and the only thing I want to do is watch a show, and it won't load (since I do all my tv-viewing online).

~Being woken up in the middle of the night by my husband's groping hands. It was a little fun and flirty and exciting in those few rare months that I was actually sleeping through the night, but now that I am waking up constantly to tend to two children, the last thing I need is another person waking me up wanting something from me...

~People who look perfect all the time. This needs no explanation, it's just not fair.

~That people are reading my blog but NOT LEAVING COMMENTS. Rude.

~My inability to get rid of clothes that don't fit (ahem. jeans.). Right now, I have a drawer full of jeans that I wear (not enough pairs, for sure). And I have a pile on my closet shelf of jeans that are too big currently, but are good for post-pregnancy and pregnancy (and maybe if I start gaining weight again the way I was after Pixie was born). And then there's the pile of jeans that are just a >tinge< to tight, but since I am working out and determined to lose the weight and pudge, they just.might fit again someday. And then there's the pile that I LOVE, that fit perfectly, that are cute, but. They have holes in a knee or two. And maybe I could patch them and not look juvenile or homeless. Or maybe I could just wear them anyway. I might, someday, right? I can't get rid of a SINGLE pair. Not one. But I don't know what to do with them all. They are taking over my life!

And along those lines, why do I keep buying jeans that I don't love but are cheap? Because then, soon enough, I have 10 pairs of jeans on which I spent at least $10/pair, but I won't wear any of them because they are not just right! Why do I keep doing this? $100 would buy several pairs of jeans that would be just right! I do the same with sheets and bedding for my bed. I can't justify spending $200 on a bedding set, but four $40 sets later (and still not satisfied), I am really wishing I had...

~That taking calories off is sooooo much harder than putting them on. In my perfect world, it would take just as much work to consume 400 calories as it would to burn them! Why does something that I can eat in 3 bites take blood, sweat, and tears to burn off later? It just doesn't make sense.

~Women who do it all. Singing, piano-playing, triathalons, gardening, canning, painting, child-rearing, service projects, and all with a smile on their faces. Okay, so they don't really bug me, just make me feel super insecure in my own ability to do, well, anything.

~Floof. Poot. Fluff. Bottom burp. Air biscuit. Foof. Poof. Barking spiders. Seriously? It's a fart, people. Or if you're 3, a toot. Or if you're sophisticated, gas.

And another thing... people who don't ever FART in front of their spouses, well, there is something seriously wrong with them. Now I realize that I may not be the most unbiased in my opinion, since I have very few personal boundaries, and thankfully neither does my husband, evidenced by the fact that no one in this house EVER closes the bathroom door, for any reason. But really? How can any person go years, decades, a lifetime, holding it in? Ignoring the obvious discomfort, I think there's something wrong with that. Shouldn't your spouse be the one person, of all people, you feel comfortable enough with to let loose, all of you?

~Twilight. I know I need to read the series before I can really form an opinion (and I will, when I have nothing better to read, which will probably not be until my children have moved out of the house and I have oodles of time to read any nonsense I want), but I really just hate that I can't live in a world void of Twilight. There are some things that I REALLY LOVE in this life, but do I go around gushing about them to anyone and everyone I meet? I mean, really, I LOOOOOOOVE me some artichokes but do you hear me obsessing about them constantly? Well maybe I should...

TEAM ARTICHOKE!!!

Oops.

2010-02-09T13:15:00.004-07:00

My little Pixie has not been sleeping, yet again. I thought we had solved those problems by removing any semblance of a crib from her sight and replacing with a futon mattress on the floor. That worked for 2 nights. For the past 5 nights, she has pretty much refused to sleep unless she can feel my face pressed against hers. Then sometime in the middle of the night, she wakes and screams inconsolably. I have no idea what her deal is. She seems happy enough during the day.

I feel like my life has revolved around figuring out sleeping issues for the past 3 1/2 years.

So a smart person who hasn't slept in 3 1/2 years would take any sleep she could get. A smart person would go to bed at the same times the kids do. A smart person wouldn't stay up until 2:15 in the morning, reading.

You know who's not so smart? MOI.

Yeah, I did it again. I stayed up way too late and am now exhausted, on edge, and just bothered by everything my kids are doing today. Why do I continue to do this to myself?

Oh right. Because I really like reading. And I really like having several hours of quiet, with no babies smearing their snotty noses on my shirt and no toddlers hanging on my arm every time I try to move. I really, really like being the only one awake, enjoying time to do whatever it is that I want to do. I like sleep a lot, but on some nights I like this better.

It's just a good thing I read fast, because I would have stayed up a lot later if I hadn't finished the book ("Hunger Games." And yes, I know I am the last person on earth to read it.).

believe it or not, i actually do like to fit in...

2010-02-01T15:10:00.010-07:00

I am trying a new thing.

I don't really want to tell anyone. It sounds gross and I don't want people to think I'm all hippie and weird anymore than they already do (even if I might be, just a little).

I am giving up shampoo.

And I don't mean I'm doing my usual "I-haven't-washed-my-hair-in-three-days-because-my-kids-don't-let-me-shower-in-peace" thing. I mean I am actively, purposely not using shampoo. I figure that since at this point in my life I average about 2 washings a week anyway, it's not that big of a deal to just go without.

What I am doing is washing my hair with baking soda instead.

It's something I have been considering for about 3 years now, but kept putting off because I was scared to try it. "They" (as in, the internets) say there could be an adjustment period of several weeks to several months while your hair "detoxes" where you look and feel greasy. That was something I just wasn't sure I was ready for. But like I said, since I am already probably at my grease-max these days, I just figured what the hell. Let's try it.

So I've been going without shampoo for about a week now. I can't say I've noticed a real difference in greasiness. If anything my hair is *less* greasy now between washings than it was before. It is definitely less tangley. It feels a little coarser but looks a lot healthier. More volume for sure. I didn't even have to blow-dry my hair today. Not that I actually do that most days. It's one of those things that I need to do to look reasonably good, but I just don't usually get the time/energy. Well today I didn't (as usual) and it still looked reasonably good.

I can use Apple Cider Vinegar as a "conditioner" if I want, but I just haven't taken that leap yet. It seems like a lot of work to mix the vinegar and the water just right, and I am afraid of smelling like vinegar all the time, and I am also afraid it will make my hair greasy. So far I haven't needed a "conditioner," but if my hair gets any coarser I will use the vinegar.

Anyway, not sure how long I will stick with this. I haven't given away my 2 Costco size containers of shampoo and conditioner yet. In fact I haven't even taken them out of my shower yet. Part of that reason is because I don't want my husband to know I quit washing my hair. I don't want him to think I'm disgusting, and he's still probably bummed about the whole leg-shaving thing that has all but gone out the window, especially during the winter (not as a statement, just because I'm ~~lazy~~ a mom), and he might worry that I will soon take to wearing nothing but housecoats, and slippers, and rollers in my hair.... But mostly it's because I'm not totally committed to the idea yet.

So now you know. Don't tell!

We're all sick.

2010-01-26T18:26:00.000-07:00

That is all.

out of the mouths of babes

2010-01-14T14:43:00.003-07:00

Squeak: "Mommy, does my head have to fall off soon?"
Me: "No, your head won't fall off..."
Squeak: "But it has to so it can grow in bigger!"
Me: *stifled laughter*

This conversation took place exactly one day after a conversation we had about losing "little teeth so the big ones can grow in." The things he comes up with! Gosh I love that boy.

Party like it's Dia de los Tres Reyes

2010-01-11T10:00:00.018-07:00

Whew-ee. That about sums up how I feel today, after this weekend.

Every year, we host a party to wrap up Christmas on (or around) Three Kings Day. We spend way too much money and time to cook up all sorts of Spanish yummies. We invite friends who might appreciate it, and we have a good time. As Three Kings Day was last Wednesday, we had our 4th annual Dia de los Tres Reyes Magos fiesta this weekend!

I felt all sophisticated and child-free for about 23 seconds Saturday evening when I dashed in and out of an old friend's wedding reception, telling him I couldn't stay long because "I have a dinner party going on at home right now that I have to get back to."

I had beautiful visions of getting the kids in bed and enjoying an evening of adult conversation and eating my own food (while it was still hot!) from my own plate while seated at my own chair.

I was jolted back to the reality of my life when I realized Squeak hadn't eaten dinner yet (it was 7:30 by this time) so he would have to join our "dinner party." And when we all sat down to eat, Pixie made it known that the days of her sitting idly by while we ate were over.

So BOTH my kids crashed our sophisticated party. There was very little adult conversation going on because Squeak's voice has a way of overtaking the voices of even the loudest of our friends. Santiago had to stand up to eat because Squeak insisted on sitting in our very last chair at the table, and I barely sat down at all between trying to be a good hostess and get everything on the table and trying to be a good mommy and get everything onto my children's plates.

But eventually, the kids did go to sleep, and we did get to have some good conversation. The food was delicious and enjoyed by all. And hopefully, we didn't scare our childless (but pregnant!) friends out of going through with the whole kid thing. Our other friends have more kids than we do so they're not easily scared. And our other friend, the umarried one who brought a date, well, I just have to apologize to him for ruining any chance of a future date with her, because I'm sure she was a little scared off by our littles...

I did have grand plans to photo-document the entire cooking process but we got so busy that after taking ONE (horrible) picture, the camera got pushed aside and forsaken for the rest of the evening.

Imagine all sorts of delicious Spanish food, and my cute hubby wearing a (sort of girly) apron and slaving away at the stove!

The Menu:

-Paella. My lovely Santiago made a chicken paella and served the disgusting shrimp on the side (he's so nice to me!). How people eat those spiny little things is just beyond me. I've tried and tried again to like shrimp, clams, scallops, and all other "briny" tasting seafood, but I just can't. Sad for me, I know, because I miss out on some seriously delicious looking stuff. When we (and by "we" I mostly mean Santiago) make paella, we always add lots of garlic, artichoke, fresh green beans, tomato pulp, red bell peppers, peas, lots of saffron, and fresh rosemary.

(photo courtesy of: La Paella)

-Tortilla de Patata. Commonly called a "Spanish Omelet," it's made with potatoes, eggs, and onion and garlic. Seriously a crowd pleaser. I've never met anyone who didn't like Tortilla.

(photo courtesy of: Eat Catalunya)

-Manchego stuffed Peppers. We looked everywhere for Padron peppers, or even their substitutes, Shishitos, but no dice. We used Anaheim peppers instead. We also couldn't get Tetilla cheese, so we used Manchego. They turned out differently than expected, but still yummy!

(photo courtesy of: Pinch of Rosemary)

-Tapas included: olives of all kinds, pickled cherry peppers, pickled (maybe? I didn't try these so I'm not sure) onions, Marcona almonds, membrillo (quince paste), fig & almond pate, several different cheeses (I believe this year we had 3 ages of Manchego, Cabra al Vino (Drunken Goat), Garrotxa, & Campo de Montalban), and of course, Jamon Serrano and Chorizo.

-"Mormon Sangria" to drink, and Churros y Chocolate for dessert. We did have two bars of Turron, but we "forgot" to break into them! Shoot, I guess now I'll just have to eat them BOTH...

Everything was so.good. Unfortunately, we decided to go low-key this year, so we have NO leftovers. And I really want some after posting this.

And if you're wondering where a Utah girl gets her hands on some of this stuff, I have two words for you. TONY CAPUTO. What a man.

Awesomeness continued. Or something.

2010-01-11T09:53:00.005-07:00

Um.

Remember how I was saying I was so awesome, and blah blah blah?

Yeah. I'm so awesome that last night I made my baby sleep in her own poo for like 5 hours. Sleep-deprived me didn't think to check the diaper all the 10.3 million times Pixie started crying last night.

That is all.

bad mommy gone good?

2010-01-08T13:46:00.012-07:00

I'm awesome.

Yesterday, I made it out of the house (a miracle in itself) and we made it to Preschool on time. Squeak had a great time and Pixie only got into the cat food twice. After preschool, I was exhausted and my ears were ringing from being around too many little kids that are not my own (we go to a little parents' cooperative preschool in my friend's neighborhood so I don't get to just drop him off and enjoy myself. We're too poor for that kind of fun.). But I let Squeak swing on the tire swing, even though what I really wanted to do was hurry and get home and proclaim nap time for the next 2 hours. Which I did promptly after I took these pictures:

I also cooked dinner last night. Well that's not entirely true. I cooked part of dinner last night. But for the second night in a row! Seriously, this is amazing. I typically do cook dinner on a regular basis, but since Christmas break I've been a little out of the habit. Santiago took a week off between Christmas and New Year's and I didn't cook a single meal that entire week (heaven!). It's been hard for me to get back into my routine. Even though I .like. cooking. I like cooking, and it's been hard for me to get back into it. I don't like laundry. You can imagine what my laundry room looks like...

(This is a total cheater-bum picture, because this is NOT actually what I made last night. This is dinner 2 nights ago. Last night I made roasted tomato soup, a la Food Network, and Tiago made grilled cheese sandwiches. But I was too lazy to get the camera out of my purse out of my car, so you get this. 3-Bean Burritos, a la me. Which were equally tasty.)

And my awesomeness continues. I actually MADE breakfast this morning, and it wasn't oatmeal. Or eggs. I made whole wheat chocolate chip pancakes. With honey cinnamon syrup. And orange juice.

This kind of orange juice:

The Squeak was thrilled, even though we didn't eat until 9:30 (we got out of bed at 8). I never make pancakes. Ever. So this was a special treat. On a related note, if my awesomeness is going to become a regular thing, I really need to invest in an electric griddle. It took way too long to make pancakes on the stove, even making 2 in the pan at a time.

This is what the Pixie did while we cooked and ate (since the whole process took so long and started to encroach on her morning naptime):

(Pardon my overt bragging. I've been feeling like I've been doing a less-than-stellar job being a mother lately, so I'm trying to celebrate every small victory. My 3-year-old may have the attitude of a 16-year-old girl and my baby may sleep as much as a... well I can't think of anything that sleeps less than Pixie, but you catch my drift... but at least I can be a good mommy for one day. And just maybe tomorrow I will repeat my awesomeness, and then just maybe the day after that, as well. At least now I *know* I can be awesome for one day. One day at a time, maybe I can do.)

Booooobs. Yeah I said it.

2010-01-06T16:01:00.002-07:00

This post has been months in the making. And you know what? Those months of pondering haven’t made me feel any more prepared to write this. But here it goes anyway. Because I need to spew this forth somewhere. It’s been in my brain soggying it up for too long.

It has to do with modesty and what it is. It has to do with women’s rights and what those are. It has to do with my inner (or not so inner) feminist. It has to do with church. And it has to do with BOOBS (do you hate that word? Sorry. I hear that a lot of people do. I kind of love it.).

Way back when I was newly pregnant (with Pixie) but didn’t know I was newly pregnant, I got called to meet with the bishop. Thinking I may be getting a new calling or being asked to speak in Sacrament meeting or some other routine reason for a meeting with the Bishop, I was totally and completely gobsmacked (all these words I’ve never used before are just all of a sudden coming out of the wordwork – there’s another one! – to play!).

“I’ve called you in because it seems that you have become pornography to some of the men in our ward.”

Woh. Just how do you respond to that?

You ask yourself “seriously?,” your inner feminist becomes enraged, you feel embarrassed, (but you never let on any of those things to your Bishop), and then of all the responses you could show, you deem it most appropriate to cry and tell your Bishop your chest measurements and lament having a big chest (seriously, I never would have guessed this would be a tidbit of information I felt it was necessary to share with my Bishop…).

That’s how.

I consider myself a fairly modest person. I kind of hate that word, because really, what is modesty? I feel like modesty is more about your attitude than your dress, but I may be alone in this thinking because it seems like to some in my ward modest=frumpy.

But as I was saying, I do consider myself fairly modest. I went to BYU, so even before I started wearing garments, I did all those “modest” things: skirts and shorts “To Zee Knee,” shoulders covered (because, really, bare shoulders are very, very sexy), I always raise my arms in front of the mirror in the morning to make sure none of that tummy is showing (even more now that I’ve had 2 kids)…

But here’s the thing. I have humungous knockers. I mean, they’re big even when I’m not pregnant or breastfeeding, but since I’ve been either pregnant or nursing (or both) for the past 4 years, they have been quite an impressive size for quite some time. In addition to that, I am tall and (okay I will admit it even though I don’t necessarily believe it) mostly slim. I do have a figure. I guess it’s pretty nice (clothed, anyway).

And here’s the other thing: I’m 27, not 57. I like to dress like I am 27, not 57.

So with my big bagoonzas and slim figure, I can do one of two of things: 1) I can buy things in my size, and have my shirts fit slightly tight over my boobies, or 2) I can buy things large enough to not be tight on my boobies and-

Oh, wait. No I can’t. There exists not a size that isn’t tight on my boobies. Not even my grandma’s old muumuus that I inherited (okay, picked through her closet for because they are just so gosh.darn.~~sexy~~.comfortable).

After this incident, I looked around at church and noticed that every woman in my ward dresses at least as “immodestly” as I do. It’s just that no one that I noticed has quite the same proportions as I do. Most of the women are small-busted. Some have large breasts but are also more “plus-size.”

Also, at the time, I was the ward chorister (I asked to be released because of this issue), so I was standing and (in a very saucy and suggestive manner, of course) leading the music in front of the congregation every Sunday. This put me more in the spotlight for the pervs of the ward, I guess.

It just still infuriates me (over a year later). The whole thing infuriates me. The way the Bishop handled it infuriates me. What business did he have telling me that? Putting the responsibility for 2 men’s sins on my head. How dare he?

It made me feel so uncomfortable. Not only having this kind of conversation with my Bishop, but also just knowing that there are 2 men who are looking at me in that way, every Sunday, where I go to be edified and uplifted.

Why would the Bishop tell me this?

Am I to be held responsible for the thoughts of others? Should I feel self-conscious at church every Sunday, wondering if what I’m wearing is “schoolmarmy” enough to not put those kinds of thoughts into anyone’s heads? Is it fair for me to look at every man in the congregation and wonder if he is one of those who stares at me? Should I have let it go by now, and not still feel this way?

Wordless Wednesday

2010-01-06T10:56:00.001-07:00

monday night's sunset

Tootin' My Own Horn

2010-01-05T18:14:00.001-07:00

Seriously, there is nothing better than chosing a the perfect gift for someone. It is one of my favorite parts of Christmas.

My step-mom leaves for the entire month of December (a whole different blog post, for a day when I'm not feeling all heartwarmed and stuff), and since I had her name for our family gift exchange this year, this allowed me be the procrastinator I ~~love to be~~ am. Sure, I casually looked around for gift ideas pre Christmas. But I didn't do the actual committing and buying until last week.

I received two of my purchases in the mail, yesterday and today.

As a sidenote, can I say how much I lurve (is that word so passé?) me some online shopping?! Aside from a whole bunch of diapers I bought online for Squeak about 3 years ago, I haven't really delved into the world of online shopping much. But boy is it fun! Shopping in my (same pair for the third day straight) pajamas while the kids sleep? Getting package after package addressed to me in my little mailbox, day after day? I could get into some serious trouble there, folks.

Annnnnyway...

As I leafed through the pages of one of my purchases, I got almost giddy. I am *so* excited to give my step-mom this present. I just know she will love it. And I thought of it all by my big girl self.

There is little else so thrilling.

Incidentally, if you're wondering, this is the gift which made me feel so satisfied. Step-mom is a Jane Austen fanatic who loves cookbooks. This book + Step-mom = True Love Always. Or at least that's what I'm hoping (expecting).

In Which I Reveal My Wickedness

2010-01-04T11:37:00.001-07:00

Sometimes being at church makes me cringe.

Not because of the Gospel. I like that part, and the sciptures, and really most churchy things.

But sometimes, someone says something that just makes me feel all sick in my stomach. I know that I do not have the typical political leanings of my religion. I know that I in fact have some controversial opinions for a mormon. But I just don't think Church is the place to comment on politics, like, at all. I really don't like the assumption that all mormons have the same opinion on politics.

I know this potentially will open up a can of worms but...

Maybe I am going to hell (well yes that is quite possible, although I never thought it would be for my political leanings). Maybe I should think that Proposition 8 is a good idea. Maybe I should laugh when the Relief Society teacher makes an "Adam and Steve" comment. But it just makes me squirm in my cushy folding chair...

I understand why the Church supports Prop 8. I get it, I do. But at the same time, I also understand why personally I don't support it. And I feel like that's okay. I have struggled and I have prayed and I now feel like it's okay for me to believe the way I do and still be a good mormon.

And I know that homosexuality is a sin. And I know that an eternal family can be made up only of a husband and wife and their kids. And I know God didn't create Adam and Steve. But do I have to be comfortable with jokes like that being made at church, in a lesson? Am I being too sensitive?

This is just one example. Another thing that makes me all itchy inside is when people make comments on the whole "holiday vs. Christmas" nonsense. Another thing that really "got my goat" (what a great expression! I don't think I've ever used it before, but maybe I should start using it!) recently was someone's comments on parenting and discipline.

I don't know when respect for diversity became anti-Christian. I must have missed that memo, because I find nothing unChristian at all about respecting people and their differences. Quite the opposite, actually.

I don't mean to make this post all controversial, and I really don't care whether anyone agrees or disagrees with me, that's not what this is about. What it's about is that I don't get why people don't understand that, even in the LDS Church, there is a wide spectrum of personalities, opinions, politics, backgrounds, and why can't we just be mindful of that and not assume everyone thinks the same?

On a redeeming note, I had a wonderful personal scripture study yesterday. I read a fantastic talk by Elder Holland from the January Ensign, all about looking forward and having faith in the future and not living in the past. I recommend it to all. It's a wonderful way to ring in the new year!

The Birth Story

2010-01-03T20:55:00.001-07:00

It's birth story time!

Warning: this will be long. Very long. I've tried to include every last detail, because it was truly the most amazing experience of my life and I don't ever want to forget a single thing about it. Also, when I think about it, still, almost 8 months later, I just want to shout out every detail from the rooftops. It was THAT amazing.

So Pixie dear arrived Thursday afternoon, May 14, 2009.

It all started a few weeks before Pixie was born, actually. I was having crampy contractions that were starting to feel like early labor. I had them on and off during the day, they picked up in the evening, and then they would go away overnight. Mother's Day weekend (just after my due date) my contractions became regular, coming every 8-10 minutes. We went for a hike that Saturday (May 9th) to help move things along, and my contractions picked up to about 5-6 minutes apart. I thought for sure the baby would come that weekend! The contractions came at regular intervals for 2 days, and then they just stopped. The next few days they went back to irregular. I knew the baby was in a posterior position (just like her big brother), and that can cause a lot of irregular but strong early labor contractions as the mother's body tries to move the baby into a more favorable position for birthing.I met with my midwife that Monday and she checked the baby's position. Baby was very posterior, with her neck distended so that her forehead was pushing against my pubic bone rather than my cervix. Because my midwife's practice won't let a woman go past 41 weeks we scheduled an induction for Friday (which would put me at 41 weeks, 2 days according to my "official due date" but just at my due date according to my adjusted date). I started to feel very anxious because I really didn't want to be induced again. I was induced with Squeak and while his birth was not traumatic it wasn't what I had wanted, and I didn't want a repeat. Santiago and I had actively prepared for a natural, drug-free, intervention-free birth by taking 12 weeks of Bradley Method classes during the pregnancy. I wanted to go into labor on my own, stay at home to labor comfortably, and be at the hospital just long enough to have the baby with our midwife. I didn't want to be at the hospital from the onset of labor, I didn't want to be hooked up to wires and IVs and monitors, I really didn't want the Pitocin or for my waters to be artificially ruptured, and I especially didn't want to be stuck in bed during active labor. I was disappointed because I really wanted to be able to trust my body and to feel myself go into labor without augmentation. However, I felt okay about the induction, and I knew that I would be fine. I was disappointed, but resigned to being induced. One of the things that calmed me was that Santiago gave me a priesthood blessing (confused? See http://www.mormon.org/!). In it he promised me that I would be able to have a good birth experience, no matter what happened. After receiving the blessing, even though I thought I would have to be induced, I was hopeful that I could still feel peaceful and happy about how things turned out.

On Wednesday, my sister J called me up and told me about a local restaurant that touts one of its pizzas as a "labor pizza," sending very pregnant women who eat it into labor within 48 hours. I had actually heard about this urban legend a few years ago on the radio, and as I googled it I found a few different anecdotes about women who gave it a try. Most reported that it didn't work, but that it was delicious! I heard of three women who said it worked. Well, I was skeptical and knew it wouldn't work. I had tried all the "old wives' tales" to get labor going, both during Squeaks's pregnancy and this one: fresh pineapple, walking (hiking), bouncing on a ball, sex, spicy foods, nipple stimulation, I had been religiously drinking my red raspberry leaf tea 2-3 times a day for weeks... I did it all, and nothing was working! I knew the pizza wouldn't send me into labor, but, my best friend Aubri was visiting from Texas, and going out for a girls' night of delicious pizza with my sister and my best friend sounded like a great way to spend one of my last evenings before the baby's birth. Squeak stayed home with his Dada and I headed to dinner with Aubri and J. Well, the pizza was delicious (thin crust pizza with chicken, carmelized onions, mushrooms, tons of whole cloves of roasted garlic, topped with fontina cheese and drizzled with balsamic vinegar. Drool!), and we had a really fun time together, and then I went home (late!), planning to spend the next day (Thursday) finishing up baby preparations, napping, and just getting ready to be induced Friday.Well, instead, I woke up around 6 or 7 (after going to sleep around 1 am!) feeling yucky in my tummy. I thought it was just all that garlic from the pizza that wasn't settling well. I lied in bed and tried to go back to sleep, but I was just getting more and more uncomfortable. At some point I realized that it was only when my uterus would contract and my stomach would tighten that I felt really sick.

I got out of bed and Squeak and I went about our day. I could feel that my contractions were more intense than they had been before, but they were still coming very eratically: 10 minutes apart, then 9, then 6, then 12, then 4, then 17, and so on... I figured it would just be another day of irregular early labor contractions that would stop by nighttime. However, I also recognized that the contractions definitely felt different, and I had to focus through them. I didn't want to get my hopes up (again!) so I tried not to get too excited. I called Tiago around 8:30 and gave him a heads up that I wanted him to come home after he finished teaching his classes at 10:30. I still didn't think I was actually in labor, but I knew I was having a hard time taking care of Squeak during my contractions and I would need his help. In the meantime, I got in some comfortable clothes and bounced on my birth ball and watched some "Gilmore Girls" on my laptop while Squeak sat next to me (on his hoppy ball!) and watched Curious George on his DVD player. I sat this way for a few hours, working through my contractions, while Squeak played with his toys around me. Tiago came home around 11, and while the intensity of my contractions had definitely picked up, their frequency hadn't. They were still coming very irregularly, with some as close as 7 minutes apart and some as far as 20 minutes apart. Santiago helped me through my contractions, reminding me to drink water, stroking my back, helping keep Squeak out of my way, giving me little snacks, timing the contractions, etc.

We had some lunch and then decided to all go for a walk. We walked to our neighborhood park, where Squeak played on the swings and the playground, and I walked and swang gently, leaning on Santiago or on the playground ladder whenever a contraction hit. After a while we walked home and Tiago put Squeak down for his nap while I went to take a bath. The bath felt good, but I started to get really sleepy, so I got out and was planning to take a nap if I could.

I lied down in bed, but the second I did, I started to get super uncomfortable. My contractions started coming more frequently, and they were very intense and painful when I laid down. I stayed in bed for a few contractions, but it was too uncomfortable and I just had to get up. At this point, my contractions went from very irregularly spaced down to very regular, and they started increasing in frequency very rapidly. In about a half hour, they went from 10-20 minutes apart and eratic down to 2 1/2 minutes apart and very very intense! We had called our doula earlier in the morning to give her a heads up that we might need her today, and we had done the same with my sister C (who would come to watch Squeak when I felt like I was in active labor), so it was at this point that we decided to call C and tell her to head up to our house. Tiago told me we probably needed to go to the hospital now. I didn't believe him (I think I was still in denial that I was in actual labor because I didn't want to get disappointed if it stopped and I ended up having to go through with the induction the next day!) and told him we could just wait until C arrived. Tiago had been timing the contractions, though, and he was emphatic that we needed to go to the hospita. We called my visiting teaching companion, who came over to sit with Squeak (who was napping) until C arrived, and we got into the car to go to the hospital. I remember feeling, as we walked to the car, that I needed to straighten up the house, put away S's toys, put the lunch dishes in the sink, etc. I tried doing all these things between contractions and Tiago literally had to take my hand and lead me to the car so I wouldn't keep cleaning! We called our doula and told her to meet us at the hospital (we had planned on having her help at home, too, but my labor picked up so quickly that there was no time!).

We drove to the hospital, which is luckily only a few miles away. It took us about 6 minutes to get there, and I had 3 or so contractions on the way. By the time we got to the parking lot and went to walk into the hospital, I was really having a hard time with my contractions. I was crying during my contractions and really having to concentrate. We got to the admittance desk in the Women's Center and they said they didn't have our preregistration! So Santiago had to answer a bunch of questions and fill out paperwork. I don't think the nurses/staff believed that my contractions were really coming as frequently as we said they were, because they were taking their sweet time and were very calm (annoyingly calm!) about everything. At around 3:50 or 4:00 p.m. I got in my room, gave a urine sample, got into the gown and they put the fetal monitors on me. I was told I would have to be monitored for 30 minutes, during which time I had to be in bed, then have a 40 minute break when I could get up and move around, then another 30 minutes on the monitor, etc. I wanted to cry when they told me this (I may have, actually. I can't remember!). Lying down or sitting was the worst thing for my contractions. I wanted to be up standing, swaying, leaning on Santiago, or kneeling over the birth ball. Well, they hooked me up and I stayed in bed for about 10 minutes. After that, I just couldn't do it anymore! Luckily, we had a great nurse who was very understanding of my desires. She said it was fine for me to get up. Even though they wouldn't get a great reading on the baby's status for the next 20 minutes, the first 10 minutes was fine and baby looked good and strong and healthy.

What a relief to get out of bed! I worked through some more contractions, but they were getting much stronger. I started to feel shakey and goose-bumpy and started doubting if I could do it. I was getting nauseous with every contraction. In other words, I was showing all the classic signs of transition, which means I was almost fully dilated and would be getting ready to push soon enough! Our Bradley class preparation really helped get me through this phase. With each contraction that I thought, "I can't do another one of these," I just reminded myself that it was normal to think that, that it meant I was really close to holding my baby in my arms, and that I didn't need to think about the next contraction, but I just had to get through this one, and then I could rest for a (teensy) bit. I think it was at this point that the nurses started to believe how close I was to delivering! They got me in bed to check my cervix (I had only had one cervical check all pregnancy, and it was that Monday at my midwife appointment. I was dilated 2-3 centimeters and effaced about 70%.), which they were surprised to see was 8 centimeters dilated! At this point they decided to put in my heparin lock (which I opted for instead of an IV)! I sat in bed and almost immediately started throwing up. I think they finally realized I was in transition! They finished putting in the Hep. Lock - after failing to get it in near my wrist, they finally got it in my hand (honestly, postpartum, my wrist was one of my most tender areas! It was swollen and bruised and it hurt for quite awhile afterward!) - and I finished throwing up! They finally called my midwife (seriously, they must really have not believed us when we arrived saying that contractions were lasting about 75 seconds, with 75 seconds of rest in between!).

I got up to kneel over the birth ball, and when I got in this position, I just felt like I wanted to push. There was so much pressure that I just couldn't breathe through the contractions anymore. I had to do something active! I heard my midwife rushing in, not yet dressed in her gown, telling me to try to wait. Then, when the contraction had passed, the nurses rushed over and helped me get into bed, because I was tired and couldn't hold myself up anymore. My legs felt sore and tired already, so I sat up in bed and James helped me hold my knees to my chest. My midwife was rushing to get everything ready when the next contraction hit. I just couldn't NOT push. My body's reflexes took over and I was pushing the baby out, even while my midwife begged me to try not to so she could help apply pressure to my perineum to prevent tearing. It was crazy and amazing to feel that I had no control over it! I just HAD to push. Pushing was one of the most satisfying parts of labor and also one of the most painful. It was a terrible burning sensation that I almost couldn't bear, but at the same time, it made my contractions feel so much better to push through them. I remember just screaming "It burns!" but at the same time helpless to stop the burning, because my body was pushing whether I wanted it to or not. Well, I didn't push for more than a few minutes before she was out! Her shoulders were the hardest part because I was exhausted and sore from pushing out her head, but after her head and shoulders were out the rest of her body just kind of slid out. I couldn't believe when I looked down and saw my baby's entire body! It had all happened so fast and it was so surreal to know that I had done it!

And finding out that she was a girl was crazy! My midwife didn't even look but said, "Oh, he's a big one" right at the exact moment that I was looking at what I though were girly bits (really confused me!)! Tiago asked if it was a boy, and I remember saying, "I think it's a girl! It's a girl, isn't it?" I couldn't believe it! I had a feeling that she would be a girl, but I didn't want to get my mind set on it one way or another, so I had spent my entire pregnancy convincing myself that she was probably a boy, because I thought she was a girl and I couldn't possibly be right about it! ;)Born at 4:44 pm, about 45 minutes after arriving at the hospital! I got to hold her right on my chest. She looked so perfect. My water broke right as I was pushing out her head (how cool would it have been if it had waited just a second to break, and she could have been born in the caul? I would have loved to see that!), so she was wet but clean. She had swallowed a lot of fluid right as my waters broke so the nurses had to suction quite a bit of fluid out of her, but other than that she was perfect. I was so in awe of her. She was healthy and beautiful, and all mine!

C (my sister) brought Squeak up to the hospital to meet Pixie shortly after. Together my children melt my heart!

I did it! I did it with no drugs, no interventions, no tearing. I didn't even take Tylenol for postpartum soreness! I felt so good. I know that a lot of women do it, but I felt (and still feel) so empowered that I was able to give birth naturally without medication. I am amazed at what my body can do. I am still so in awe when I think about how my body worked with my baby's body to birth in a natural and efficient way. My body was amazing in working to get Pixie into the optimal position to be birthed, and Pixie was amazing in working to get herself there. Santiago was an amazing support to me during my labor. I think it made a lot of difference that we were able to be at home for most of the time. It was comfortable and peaceful and calm, and it was so nice to be able to be together as a family during that time. There was no stress about what might go wrong and no worries about hospital policies. It was just so relaxed. I am still so thrilled with Pixie's labor and delivery.

I felt excellent after, too. I was a little sore from pushing but it was nothing like my recovery last time (I had a 3rd degree tear and an episiotomy with Squeak). It mostly just stung when I would pee... My legs were sore in places they've never been sore before! I have to say the worst postpartum pain this time around were the "afterpains" of my uterus contracting to get back to its normal size. I didn't feel these at all with Squeak, but I definitely felt them this time. They were not horrible, but I felt very menstrual-crampy and my lower back ached. In general, though, I felt so good.

I most of all just feel so grateful, even still. I feel so grateful that I was able to have the birth I so desperately wanted. I feel so grateful to have my perfect little family. I love my children more than life itself. I worried about how I would love another person as much as I love Squeak, how I would possibly think another baby could be as cute as Squeak, but now here I am with another baby and I love her every bit as much as I love my Squeak. She is every bit as cute and sweet and dear to me as he is. I feel grateful and blessed beyond measure.

Pixie & Squeak

2010-01-03T17:05:00.001-07:00

I'm ba-ack! I didn't forget about this blog, but over the past 10+ months, everytime I thought about updating, I got too overwhelmed. And since I have maybe 1 reader, I think all will be forgiven.

Since my last update, I had a baby! A baby girl! I've debated what to call her on this blog (if I decide I have the time/energy to keep up this blog). I think "Pixie" fits her the best, but it sounds a little too much like "Pipsqueak," which has always been my son's moniker. So I guess from now on Son will be Squeak (which has become infinitely more fitting than I ever thought it would be, as his voice continues to be rather squeaky), and Daughter will be Pixie.

Notice the pictures on the sidebar! A Poems, Prayers & Promises first! Actual pictures of my actual kids! (Shhh, don't tell the husband!)!!

So Pixie was born in May, which makes her almost 8 months old. I have a dreamy birth story to tell, but since I've just spent all my allotted updating time reformatting the blog instead of writing, it will wait until next post. Which will be sooner than 10 months. I promise.

Because even if (though) no one reads this thing, I am sure I will continue to write. As exhausting as it is sometimes having two blogs (this one and the one mostly for the grandparents to keep up with my littles), I sometimes need someplace to write things that I *don't* want my entire family, in-laws, and all previous acquantances reading. And that's where you come in, dear blog! Aren't you excited for me to dump all my baggage here?!

I know I am!

Ready or not...

2009-02-27T10:23:00.001-07:00

Only 10 weeks to baby (theoretically)!

Our Bradley classes are going well. We are half-way through the course. I feel like the class dunce, because no matter how hard I try I just can't seem to get all my "homework" done. It reminds me way too much of my formal schooling career! That pit in the bottom of your stomach when you know you didn't do your reading... That was a constant for me. I am just not a dedicated student. I love learning and being a student, but I don't do well with assignments and deadlines. I have never been very good at applying myself in school. I don't like the all-too-familiar feeling I get every Thursday as I'm cramming to finish up the assignments before Bradley classes... But I like the classes. I like what I am learning and I like the exercises and practicing. I feel more prepared this time to have a natural childbirth, maybe only because I am determined to trust my body more this time around and to be more uncompromising in what I want for the birth. I hope the hospital staff and policies don't interfere too much with my plans.

I am feeling less than prepared for the arrival of this baby. I haven't really done anything to get our home ready. The "nursery" is a mess and will likely remain that way until after the baby comes. I haven't bought anything for this baby. Oddly, I am not feeling stressed about it. We have more than enough clothes (and since we don't know the sex there's no point in buying more anyway), we have a crib, and a carseat, and a stroller, and all the basic necessities. The only thing I really have to do in the next few weeks is get some diapers ordered. I am having a hard time committing to a decision about what to get. I know I need at least another dozen prefolds (but do I need 2 more dozen? Or will 1 more be adequate?), and I want to get another 3 covers or so. I need a few wetbags and another pail liner and I need to make/buy some more wipes. I also would like to make myself a stretchy wrap (Moby-style) but I am pretty set on baby carriers even if I don't get around to that. I do feel like I need to sell some old diapers and at least one baby carrier before the babe comes. Other than that, though, things are pretty much ready, even though nothing has been done. It feels strange to not have anything to do to prepare, but it is nice. As an expectant mother with Pipsqueak, I felt like there was so much I *needed,* and so much I needed to do. I've learned I guess that there's really not that much that I actually need for a baby, and even less that I actually need *before* the baby actually arrives. Or maybe I just have relaxed my standards a bit since then. I'm not sure. Either way, it feels nice, relaxing. Not so much to worry about.

That's not exactly true. I have plenty to worry about this time around, just not so much to worry about materialistically. I worry a lot about how Pip will adjust to a new little family member. I worry constantly about my relationship with my little boy changing, about losing that one-on-one time with him. I worry about him resenting me. I worry about how I will manage to take care of two kids and myself. I worry about how I will have enough patience for two. I worry about finances. I worry about sleep deprivation. I worry about postpartum recovery. I worry about my baby being healthy. I worry about being successful with breastfeeding. I worry about how I will love my children equally, and I worry about treating each child fairly and without favoritism. I worry about sibling rivalry. I worry about not having that one-on-one time with my new baby like I got with Pipsqueak. I worry about how I will find time for my relationship with my husband.

There is plenty for me to worry about.

Meal Planning

2009-01-28T14:42:00.001-07:00

(New blog post before this one)

In an effort to:
*make my life as a SAHM a little less stressful,
*save money on groceries,
*buy more fresh food and less processed/packaged stuff,
*eat out less,
*have and stick to a food budget,
*and a few other reasons,
I started planning out meals for two weeks at a time when Pipsqueak started eating the same stuff we eat (so it's been awhile that I've been doing this now).

I have a bunch of recipes I like, and every two weeks I sit down with my recipes and the grocery ads that come in the mail and I plan out meals according to what's on sale, what we have stockpiled in the pantry/fridge/freezer, and what we haven't had in awhile/sounds good! I then make a grocery list from my meal plans and make a shopping plan. I usually try to go to one grocery store that has the most and best sales that isn't Walmart for the bulk of my shopping, and then stop off at the Walmart Neighborhood Market on the way home to do any price-matching from other grocery stores and pick up anything else that was to expensive at the other grocery store. I sometimes end up going to more than just two stores but I try not to because a) of the impact on the environment and b) I really, really hate how much of an ordeal shopping is anyway. So I make a list of everything I need, write out the sale price and store of each item (from the ads), and decide where to do most of my shopping and what I will buy there. Ideally this happens before payday so that I can actually do my shopping on payday and not put it off while we eat out all weekend because there's nothing left in the house from the previous two weeks... Our budget allows for $120 every two weeks for all food-stuff and all non-food essentials like toiletries, cleaning supplies, detergents, pet foods, etc. I've noticed that making a meal plan helps me stick to my grocery list, and sticking to my grocery list helps me stay within my budget. I've also noticed that I am able to buy a lot more fresh foods (fruits and veggies), more organics, more healthy stuff, because of my meal- and grocery- planning. We eat so much better than we did before!

So today I spent the morning doing some of my meal planning/grocery list prepping. The thing that takes me the longest in all this is actually *deciding* what we want to eat. Like I said, I have a bunch of old stand-bys, but I love trying out new recipes and I like to have a good variety of foods on the menu, so I always have a hard time coming up with meals. I'm going to share what I came up with for the next two weeks and hopefully someone who reads this can give some suggestions on yummy and easy (and inexpensive) recipes I can include in the future.

I am also stuck in a total breakfast, lunch and snack rut, so if anyone has any suggestions for quick and easy and healthy breakfast, lunch and snack fare, let me know! I've made a list of possible breakfast and lunch foods we could eat every day so hopefully this will help me mix it up a little. Any ideas to add to these lists?

Breakfasts
toast with cream cheese, fruit
toast with butter, yogurt
waffles with sunbutter (for Pipsqueak, who is not eating nuts yet) and honey, or just peanut butter for me
waffles with syrup, fruit
cereal and milk, fresh fruit
oatmeal and dried fruit or yogurt
eggs and toast
(I hate making pancakes so that's out for breakfast. I buy frozen waffles, which I really want to stop doing because they're not all that great for us, but right now a "waffle sandwich" is Pip's favorite breakfast, and also one of the only things that appeals to pregnant me in the mornings.)
(Also, I sleep in until as late as Pip will let me, and then we are both ravished when we get out of bed. I need quick breakfast ideas, nothing that takes any forethought or planning!)
Lunches
burritos
quesadillas
wraps
dinner leftovers
soup
pasta
sandwiches
veggie burgers
Snacks
hummus and veggies or crackers/chips
saltines and cream cheese
saltines and cottage cheese
fruit
vegetables (usually steamed frozen veggies or steamed fresh baby carrots)
homemade "lunchables": crackers, deli meat, cheese
yogurt
toast

I've also tried to designate "days" for my meal planning, to make things easier for me. Miscellaneous Mondays, Tex-Mex Tuesdays (we tend to eat a lot of "Mexican" foods), Ethnic Wednesdays, Slow-Cooker Thursdays, Fun Fridays, Soup/Salad/Sandwich Saturdays, Dada-Cooks Sundays. Of course I don't think I will stick to this each time, but I think it will help me to have some kind of an outline when planning meals so I don't end up with 5 Mexican meals or 6 pasta dishes...

So here's my meal plan for the next two weeks:

Dinners
Miscellaneous Mondays:
1) Ground Turkey Shepherd's Pie, salad/fresh veggies
2) Breakfast Bake, tomatoes, fruit
Tex-Mex Tuesdays:
1) Taco Macaroni, tomatoes & avocados
2) Chicken Taco Quiche, sauteed green beans and peppers
Ethnic Wednesdays (for some reason I was stuck on Italian today):
1) Cauliflower Pasta with grilled chicken
2) Italian Chicken Bake, scalloped russett and sweet potato casserole, zucchini
Slow-Cooker Thursdays:
1) Curried Chicken and Rice, salad
2) Lasagna, steamed fresh green beans
Fun Fridays:
1) Out to Eat
2) Leftovers/Fend for Yourself
SSS Saturdays:
1) Lentil Soup
2) Tuna Crescent Bake
Dada-Cooks Sundays:
1) Chili & Rice
2) Eggs/Omelets

Any suggestions of tried-and-true easy/cheap recipes? Or great websites that have tried-and-true easy/cheap recipes?

[witty title goes here]

2009-01-28T14:18:00.001-07:00

Well I'm not going to make any promises, but I will say I am going to try to write more frequently now, because we finally have high-speed internet at home. It should make this whole blogging thing a heck of a lot easier...

There's no sense in playing catch-up. Last time I wrote I revealed the news that I am expecting #2 and that Pipsqueak was weaning and that Santiago and I were celebrating 7 years. Well I am still expecting #2 and Pip has weaned and we did indeed celebrate! :) Since then we've had a few holidays, a trip to Boise, a few visits from family and friends, way too many weeks of illness, and... that's about it.

We are having a hard time agreeing on a name. Well I think we have a girl's name picked out, but we cannot agree on even one single boy's name. Not one! I hate the names S picks out, and he makes fun of the ones I like. I feel more justified, though (!of course!), because he has such strict parameters for names. He insists they have to have biblical significance. So for biblical boys' names we have either the current trendy names (Luke, Gabriel, Elijah, Noah, etc) or the old traditional names that hundreds of boys already have (Michael, Matthew, John, Andrew, etc). I don't want my children to have the current trendy names, and I don't much care for the sounds of the traditional names. I have tried to come up with some nice, more uncommon biblical names, but Tiago doesn't like any of them. I don't know what we will do if this baby is a boy...

I'm feeling the major nesting urge. I really want to get the kids' rooms set up, but I need to buy a few things before I can do this. And money is an issue right now (when isn't it?). I am planning to move Pipsqueak back into his old room and the baby will take over in his current room. I have gone back and forth over this decision, but really will it matter all that much who is situated where? So I've made the decision and I'm sticking with it. I just need to get a few things before I can move Pip:
*thick opaque (room-darkening) fabric for the giant sunburst window
*wooden bookshelf with canvas pockets (Big Lots has a cute jungle one for only $39)
*cheap low dresser or bins/baskets for Pip's clothes to go in the closet (the dresser/changing unit will be staying in the baby's room)
*maybe a space heater since that room is a lot colder right now than his current room

I also really want to (finally) decorate his room. I have some cute plans to make it more "jungley" and I really want to do it all, but I am afraid I will get it all decked out only to find out we will be moving this summer (this is a possibility, though I am pessimistic that it will happen this year, with the way the economy has been.). We should find out between February and April so I am trying not to do anything major with the house until then. Still, I think I will do some little things that are not so permanent: hang a few small pictures (jungle animal ones that I've had framed since before Pip was born but never hung!), make some leafy-looking decorations to go on the ceiling fan, over the window, and around the room, etc. I won't be doing any decorating in the baby's room until after the baby arrives, since we aren't finding out if it's a boy or a girl.

At times like these I just really wish I had unlimited (money) resources and (crafting/sewing) knowledge!

spring surprise

2008-11-11T12:20:00.002-07:00

I haven't written in a very long time, I know. It's beause I have been spending a little bit (okay, a lot bit) too much time in bed, on the couch, kneeling in front of the toilet, sleeping, doing nothing, wallowing in misery...

You guessed it, I'm pregnant! Crazy, huh?

The truth is, it happened a bit sooner than we had wanted or planned. Or I guess not planned. We had only just started to kind of talk about maybe considering the possibility of maybe trying for another one sometime in the coming 3-6 months or so (very non-committal, can you tell?), and then, whoops. I'm all knocked up.

Miracle baby, I tell you.

I actually know it had to be divine intevention, because I was getting more and more comfortable with the idea of having Pip be an only child for several more years. I tend to get a little too comfortable in my routine and then it gets harder and harder to disrupt it the longer I wait. It was an incredibly difficult adjustment for Santiago and I to make, as a couple, when Pip as born, because we had settled into a nice little married and working-everything totally equal-fifty/fifty routine over the course of the 5 years we were married before Pipsqueak came along. And I fear I was getting too comfortable being mommy to one, sleeping through the night (finally), heading more towards independence and back to that comfortable marriage I had pre-baby, where we actually went places, just the two of us, and we could be spontaneous with our time, money, plans, travel, etc. I started thinking about how nice it would be to pack Pip off to his auntie's and take off to Spain, no children in tow. How much easier it would be to wait to have a baby until Pip was an older kid, going to school and capable of rational thought and reasoning. How it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to have an only child... But at the same time I have always wanted 4 or more children (although 3 is now looking more and more appealing, and logical, financially and such), and I have always wanted them to be close in age. So my desires were all in total dissonance with each other. With my serious issues with making decisions, I fear I never would have been able to come up with a plan that I would have been happy with. So God stepped in, and I am thrilled that He did.

After the initial shock and nervousness (sheer terror) had some time to wane, I got really excited. I am happy to report that I am now beyond ecstatic to be pregnant again. Yay!

I'm due mid-May. It's flying! Though I really could stand for the "morning" sickness to go away like, yesterday...

I am having a terrible time deciding on birth plans for this baby. We had originally been in agreement about using a birth center with a Certified Nurse Midwife, but after some research this has turned out to not be a viable option. We have gone back and forth about having this baby at home, and after meeting with a kind and gentle and honest and very experienced homebirth midwife, I have finally gotten Tiago to be open about homebirth as an option. But now *I* am feeling fearful, not about safety but about finances (as is he). Our insurance will not cover anything with a homebirth, so we will be paying $2200 plus all the lab fees, ultrasound costs, plus fees for a Bradley class and possibly a doula (although I probably won't have one with a homebirth because the midwife's apprentice is available to attend my birth in any capacity I desire, or don't), all out of pocket. They won't let us put the expenses on our Flex spending and they won't put the cost towards our out-of-pocket maximum. This would be only marginally more expensive than a hospital birth (with our insurance), but if anything goes wrong anytime in the pregnancy, labor, or birth, we will be paying the cost of the homebirth AND all the hospital fees. We literally just could not pay if this happened. We already are in so much debt because of S's back surgery in April. At the same time, I just feel very doubtful that I can have the birth I want in a hospital with my current CNM. It all feels so hopeless. I wish there were other options. And I feel so stressed because I need to decide this soon. I just don't know what to do.

In other news, Pipsqueak is well on his way to weaning. He hasn't nursed since Saturday before his nap. I have totally taken his lead, too. I wasn't planning to start weaning, but I did begin some dialogue with him about how soon he would get to drink warm milk out of a cup instead of "switch" (his word for nursing). The next night he cried for warm milk at bedtime! Unfortunately we didn't have any milk in the house, so he got his 'switch' as usual. The next day I made sure to pick up some milk at the grocery store. At night he asked for warm milk again, so I made sure he understood that he could have warm milk OR switch, but not both. I asked him if he wanted warm milk instead of switch or if he wanted switch. He answered that he wanted warm milk instead of switch. So we tried that, and surprisingly, he did fine. He did ask for a "just a little switch" after he finished his milk and started to get drowsy, but I reminded him that he had chosen to have milk in a cup, not switch. He put his hand on my face and fell asleep as I rocked him. Since then, I have given him the choice of warm milk or switch for every nap and bedtime, and he has chosen warm milk every time. He continues to ask for a little switch just before he falls asleep, but protests very little when I remind him of his choice. He instead puts his hand somewhere near the "switch" or my face and goes to sleep. It is going so much better than I imagined it would, and I think it's because it was his choice, and continues to be his choice. I am happy with the process so far. I was originally concerned about weaning him to something else I would eventually have to wean him from, but since he doesn't fall asleep while drinking the milk and I brush his teeth after, I really don't care if he does ask for warm milk every night until he goes to college! We'll work on weaning him from needing to be rocked sometime well after he is totally weaned from "switch" (I won't count him totally weaned until he does not ask for it anymore.).

Oh, and because I'm just too excited to not mention it, my two best friends from college are also expecting babies! One is due 4 weeks before me and the other is due a week after that. The first is having her first, and the second has a little boy just 2 1/2 months older than Pip. I am thrilled! I just with I lived closer to them...

So that's what's happening around here. Santiago and I will be celebrating 7 great years of a truly wonderful and happy marriage on Monday (Nov. 17). Pisqueak turned two last month. My niece is 6, goes to school, and has a boyfriend. I feel old. Where does the time go?

"nesting" and nostalgia

2008-08-25T15:18:00.001-06:00

I've been on a bit of a blogging hiatus because we've had a busy summer full of traveling and other adventures. I know that when there is a lot going on is precisely when I should be blogging, but I just get wrapped up in living life rather than writing about it...!

After several tiring (though worthwhile) vacations, we are home and settling back into normal life. Santiago started a new school year of teaching today, and I am trying to figure out how my days should go now that I have a toddler.

Since returning from our last trip I have felt a strong desire to simplify everything in my life and purge everything I don’t need. I've felt a weird motivation to finally tackle all those projects I've been meaning to do, finally sell those things that need selling, finally get back into (better) contact with (nearly) lost friends. And so I've been doing some strange, non-pregnant nesting...

Today I sorted through my and Pipsqueak's closets, getting rid of one large garbage bag of clothes from mine and another of clothes and toys from Pip's. It didn't feel as cathartic as I'd hoped, but only because I didn't get rid of much stuff since it hasn't been that long since the last time I did this. I then cleaned out the closet in the bunny's room (yes, we do have one room in our home that merely houses our pet rabbit, along with Tiago's fly-tying desk and all the junk we have nowhere else to put...), which was quite a task, since, as I said, that is really just our junk room. I then cleaned out three boxes from the garage, sorted our shoe bin, and organized Pipsqueak's closet. I rearranged his books and I also organized his toys, boxing up all the ones he is now too old for, getting rid of all the junky or cheapo ones, and dividing the good ones between his room, the living room toyshelf, the playroom, and the family room toyshelf. Of course even though I had a very busy day, it doesn't really look like I did anything. The sink is still full of dishes (I just can't get caught up this week!), the laundry hamper is still full of dirty clothes, the gardens are still full of weeds, and the floor still needs to be vacuumed...

I also don't feel like I satisfied my desire for organization. I just want to get everything completely organized, and now. My main problem is that I want to use bins, baskets, shelves, and closet rods to get organized, and all those things cost money, of which we currently have none. I also want to get things decorated! I want to paint Pip's room and get the playroom looking more playroom-esque. In the Squeak's room I want some color, more light, new sheets, and some fun decorations. In the playroom I want a wall of chalkboard paint, low toyshelves and clear bins, clothes hooks and a mirror for dress-ups, and a removable spring-loaded curtain rod and curtains for puppet shows.

I don't know why all of sudden I just feel like I need to get rid of things, clean (scratch that one, I unfortunately don't feel like I need to clean!), organize, and decorate, but it's a fierce feeling!

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In other news Pipsqueak got a haircut last week! It looks so cute and grown-up! Also he has worn "big boy undies" all day today (except right now, during his nap. He really wanted to wear them for that, too, but I don't have that much confidence in him yet), and no accidents! I can't believe that my baby is growing up so much. He will be 2 in just over a month, and every day he looks more long and lean, more kid-like and less baby-like. Every day he behaves more and more like a little boy. Every day he talks more clearly, says more "grown-up" words and phrases ("actually," for instance...). Every day his play becomes more mature, his imagination blossoms. Was this intelligent, curious, inquisitive, comedic, strong-willed, rambunctious, energetic, loving little boy really the same mellow mewing baby I cradled in my arms not so long ago?

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I want another baby. Aaah!, I actually admitted that, sort of out loud even. I feel ready in almost every way. The only thing I am not ready for is sacrificing my time and my relationship with Pipsqueak. I selfishly do not want a baby intruding on my time with Pip. I just want to be able to enjoy him, and just him, for a while longer. Is that horrible of me? Do you ever feel ready for your relationship with your first to change to welcome a second? I want to wait until I feel ready for that, but I'm not sure I ever will.

I feel weepy now. Why has my whole life seemed to play at normal speed, sometimes in slow-motion even, but my mothering years are going by in fast-forward?

San Clemente Vacation, PART THREE

2008-06-30T15:44:00.001-06:00

[read parts one and two below first :) ]

PART THREE: FRIDAY, SATURDAY & SUNDAY

Friday:
We spend the morning lounging around the condo. We read books and socialize while the Squeak takes his nap. In the evening, Pipsqueak and I join Atina and Uncy on a visit to Laguna Beach. We visit a natural/organic goods store and then pick up a few things at the Whole Foods. We then walk down to the beach and stroll on the boardwalk, just taking in the sights. We are jealous that the beach is so sandy; San Clemente is unusually rocky this week. It is beautiful and warm and sunny and full of life and activity. We walk to the tide pools and see some crabs and anemones, then walk up the hill through a small garden park. From the top of the hill we can see two dolphins playing in the surf not far from the shore. We walk up and down the streets. Laguna Beach is a cute little town with a fun downtown center, perfect for walking. We go home and eat some dinner and then go to bed.

Saturday:
Our last full day of vacation :( Grammy leaves to return home in the morning. An old friend and roommate of my sisters is coming to visit from LA today, so we have planned a chill day of visiting and lounging on the beach. We head down to the beach. I go swimming and boogie-boarding with Jules and T while Atina and Uncy watch Pipsqueak. While I am swimming, Atina successfully gets Pip to sleep and lays him on the towel under the shade umbrella. I hadn’t planned to swim, because I thought I would just be watching and playing with Pip, then taking him up to nap, so I didn’t think to apply sunscreen…huge, huge mistake! I get so SO burned while in the water, but don’t realize it until later that evening. When friends arrive from LA, we come in from swimming and visit in the shade. Pipsqueak wakes and we eat some lunch. We try to go back in the water, but by now the tide is too crazy. Uncy, Atina, and I attempt some swimming but are tossed about by the waves and exhaust pretty quickly. We go back up to the condo, change into dry clothes, and head back down to walk on the beach, down the pier, and then up Del Mar (“downtown”) to find a restaurant to have dinner. By now the sunburn on my back is really starting to ache, especially as I carry Pipsqueak in the Mei Tai on my back. We end up at the popular little Mexican restaurant and have to wait over 30 minutes for a table. We are finally seated and after another long wait we get our food, which is mediocre at best, definitely a disappointment for such a hyped-up restaurant. But our bellies are filled, and the company is good, so there’s not too much to complain about. We walk back to the condo, where I put Pip to bed and we just sit and visit until our friends leave and we go to bed.

Sunday:
We awake at 5 a.m. to get all our packing, cleaning, and laundry done. We do get it all done and are out the door and on the 5 (freeway) by 7:30. We fill up the tank on the rental car and arrive at the Long Beach Airport at about 8:30. The Long Beach Airport is like nothing I’ve ever seen. It is seriously second-rate! It is basically 3 portable buildings and nothing more. The Delta employee at the counter is too lazy to do anything so even though we are 2 hours early for our flight, she won’t change my seat assignment so I can sit near Jules and T. Well the travel experience just keeps getting better! When we board, I am in an aisle seat in row 7, and Jules and T have the back row in the plane (about row 13). We are told the flight will be totally full so I am prepared to have to hold Pip on my lap for the duration of the flight, but I hope to trade someone seats so I can sit near Jules and T to have a little help handling him. An older couple boards the plane after me, and the wife will be sitting in the window seat next to me while her husband sits in the window seat 2 rows up. I offer to trade him seats so they can sit together, thinking I might earn some good karma that will come in handy later when I ask someone else to trade me seats so I can sit nearer to Jules and T. Well, the plane gets fuller and fuller, and one of the last people on the flight is a rather large man, weighing around 400 pounds I would guess. I am thinking there is no way I will end up next to this man; things like this only happen in Seinfeld. Well of course he takes his seat next to me and Pipsqueak. As he lifts the armrest between us to sit, I think to myself that there is no way anyone will trade me seats now. I am not trying to be rude but seriously, no one wants to be completely cramped for an entire flight, and anyone sitting next to such a large person will inevitably be incredibly cramped. I just have to laugh to myself at how absurd it is. I trade someone seats to be nice and hoping to have the favor returned to me, and I end up instead holding my toddler on my lap in a seat not even big enough for my toddler to sit without me! The entire flight is pretty miserable. While the man is nice enough and makes pleasant small talk with me, I just can’t be comfortable, and Pipsqueak is a bit hard to handle. There isn’t enough room for me to reach down to get my bag, so we don’t have any toys or books or snacks or anything. There isn’t room for me to put my tray down, so when the flight attendant brings drinks/snacks, I am holding Pipsqueak on my lap and also trying to juggle his drink, my drink, his snack, my snack, and my magazine... Then suddenly I feel a wet warmth spread across my lap. Pipsqueak has peed straight through his diaper and now he is soaked and I am soaked. Stupid disposable diapers...! So I have to dig blindly into my bag to get a diaper, wipes, and extra clothes for him (unfortunately, I packed extra everything EXCEPT pants for me... I will continue the flight looking like I was the one who peed myself...), then squeeze past my seat-mate to go change Pip in the teensy plane bathroom. Could this flight possibly get any worse? I hang out in the back of the plane with Jules and T, standing in the aisle, until the ride starts to get a little bumpy and the captain turns on the “fasten seatbelts” light. We head back to our seat and I do my best to contain and entertain Pipsqueak as we descend into Salt Lake. I can’t get off the plane quick enough! We claim our baggage, meet up with my mom, and go to Jules’ house, where I wait for Tiago to come get me after he is done teaching his Sunday School lesson. We drive home in the horrible dry Utah heat. I am tired, hot, and miserably sunburned.

I miss California.

San Clemente Vacation, PART TWO

2008-06-30T15:42:00.001-06:00

[read part one below first :) ]

PART TWO: SEA WORLD

Thursday:
Sea World day! Jules, T, Pipsqueak and I spend the morning purchasing park tickets online, getting directions to the park, and packing diapers, changes of clothes, sunscreen, cameras, lunches, snacks, water, sunglasses, and enough STUFF for an entire day o’ fun in the sun! We then head down to San Diego for just that!

We arrive at Sea World around 11. First on the agenda, the Sea Lion show! Just outside the stadium there is an exhibit of seals and sea lions, so these are the first animals we see. Pipsqueak goes crazy! When we leave to get a seat in the stadium, he cries, “More seals! More seals! Arrr-arrrr-arrr!” (his seal sound). Adorable. We watch the show, and Pip learns the word ‘sea lion’ in addition to ‘seal.’

We head to the freshwater aquarium, where we see fish of all shapes, sizes, and colors, in addition to turtles, frogs, and even electric eels! Then it’s over to the dolphin show, where we eat lunch and watch the pigeons while we wait for the show to start. Our spirits our high and our enthusiasm is over-the-top. Pip joins in on the fun and raises his arms in the air with a hearty “Woo-hoo!” every time we or someone in the audience cheers. He claps with a loud “Yay! Yay!” whenever there is applause. Pipsqueak is delighted to see the dolphins jumping high into the air and learns the world ‘dolphin.’ When the show is over, he cries “More dolphin!”

The Shark Encounter is the next stop on our map. We enter a dark building where we see a pool of small sharks swimming eerily around. As we go further into the building, the sharks get bigger. We descend into the depths of the building and are greeted with creepy Jaws music just before we enter a clear tunnel, where there are huge sharks swimming all around and above us. I look up and can see the underside of an 8-foot-long shark’s mouth; he has several rows of short jagged teeth, all pointing in different directions like a serrated knife. The hairs on my arms stand up and my heart is beating fast. It is truly amazing! It is very exciting even though it does take me a few minutes to regain some composure…!

We decide to go on the log-ride/roller-coaster hybrid next. Jules and T wait in line while Pip and I go to see the penguins. Pip greets them with a nice loud SNORT (as he always does, I believe because the beginning of the word ‘penguin’ resembles the word ‘pig’…). They are cute little things and sometimes I forget they are actually birds, and not mammals. I always lump them in with seals and otters and the like because of their silly antics. Watching them, at eye level, in the water, I notice they do resemble ducks. We also spend some time watching some animals that look like baby Orcas but I can’t be sure what they really are. I get back to the line just in time to see Jules and T get on the ride. When they return, I am able to avoid the line and swap places with Jules (thanks to the park’s “Child Swap” system), and join T on the ride. The ride is a little lame, but mostly fun. I get absolutely drenched!

We walk over to see the seals, Beluga whales, and Polar bears next. Pipsqueak is amazed when the whales swim right against the glass where his hands are pressed, and asks for “more touch whale?” and I am amazed by their absolute whiteness. They are big and beautiful animals. What Pip loves most about this exhibit, though, are the seagulls that appear when it is seal-feeding time. He goes absolutely wild.

Next we go to touch the Rays. I have done this before, both at the Florida Aquarium and at Dana Point last summer when we were visiting San Clemente, but I am still shocked by how smooth and slippery they feel. Slimy almost. Pipsqueak can’t reach any rays but has an absolute ball just splashing in the water. He is drenched!

We watch the dolphins and Orcas swim for awhile while waiting for the Shamu show stadium to open. We are waiting at the gates when they do finally open, and we head straight for the front and center. We sit in the second row, right in front of the platform where the trainer and Shamu will undoubtedly be doing several “tricks.” As we wait, we start to doubt our decision. We are in the proclaimed “Soak Zone,” and as the sun goes down and the temperatures cool, we are not so sure we want to get soaked anymore. But then the show starts, Shamu swims out and jumps out of the water, and our seat is perfect. We can see everything, every move, every breath. It is amazing. Shamu surfaces onto the platform directly in front of us. We feel the water from the blow-hole. We see the interactions between the trainer and the animal. I love being so close. The show is fun, the tricks are unbelievable, the animal is beautiful. Then the splashing starts! I can’t even describe how it is to be splashed by the tail of a whale. It’s not one big splash like you might think it might be. It comes in waves, one giant splash followed by another and another. Pipsqueak is terrified of getting wet, so I cover him with my body and our bag. He stays mostly dry, but I get showered over and over again. Not a centimeter of me is dry. It is now freezing! But watching Shamu and the trainer as they do their show directly in front of me is so worth it. The ending is phenomenal.

Drenched and cold to the bone, we decide to do what any logical person would: we head for the rapids ride. The line is not very long so while Jules and T go for the ride Pip and I wait on the bridge and watch the rafts go by. The sun is mostly down and the air is cool; I am cold and chattering, Pipsqueak is dry and warm. T comes to wait with Pip, and I join Jules on the raft. Jules and I are shivering before the ride even begins. Every chance there is to get wet, I do. The water is cold, I feel like a crazy person, but the ride is fun. After, we take a few pictures and head to the car. Though we haven’t yet seen the turtle exhibit or the salt-water aquarium, we just may be experiencing the early stages of hypothermia and need to get someplace warm. We hurry to the car, change into dry clothes in the parking lot, and turn on the heat as we drive into San Diego to find someplace to eat dinner. It is 7 pm.

We get slightly lost looking for downtown San Diego. Finally find downtown but can’t find a decent restaurant. Find the gaslight district but are severely disappointed. There are very few Asian restaurants, which is what we decide we want to eat, and the one Thai restaurant we find, while affordable, informs us by a door sign that it requires advance reservations and strictly enforces a dress code! We do not have reservations, and we are certain that we our dress would not be in line with their code, so we move on. We find the Little Italy portion of San Diego, and to me this sounds divine, but since my sister is diabetic and must limit her carbs, we drive right through. Finally, at 8:30, starving, cold, and tired, we bid adieu to San Diego, all but cursing at it, and drive back to San Clemente, where we order take-out at the local Thai restaurant, a tried-and-true favorite. We get home and I put a sleeping Pip in bed, change into dry clothes, and ravish food that has never tasted quite so good before!

San Clemente Vacation, PART ONE

2008-06-30T13:08:00.001-06:00

I am back from a dreamy vacation in Southern California. I am really not too thrilled to be home. I am happy to be with my Santiago again but really that’s about it so far. The weather was gorgeously perfect. High 60s to mid 70s, sunny, slight sea breeze, humid. The ocean was stunning as always, and more so because the water temperature was refreshing but not icy. Everything was beautiful. I miss falling asleep to the sound of the crashing waves, waking up to a cool ocean fog, looking out over the vast sea. I miss walking everywhere. I miss the laid back attitude and casual style of beach living. I wish I could just pack up and relocate to San Clemente.

And now my travelogue, posted in parts:

PART ONE: TUESDAY & WEDNESDAY

Tuesday:
Arrive with my sister Jules and her partner T at the Salt Lake City Airport about an hour and a half early. There are no lines whatsoever so checking in at the Delta counter is a breeze. I am, coincidentally, given a seat right next to Jules and T. I am told the flight is not looking especially full, so chances of Pip getting his own seat are good. We go through security (also no line. Please remind me in the future to ALWAYS travel on a Tuesday!) and get to our gate in a somewhat low-budget looking portion of the airport. I am immediately greeted by a woman who tells me her son looked “just like” my Pip when he was little. “Now he’s a 26-year-old caveman,” she goes on to tell me. She continues talking awhile about her “caveman,” asking if that’s him coming, mumbling something about how she can’t see without her glasses, how she wishes he would hurry back, she really needs to smoke, and so on, and I am not entirely sure if she is still actually talking to me or just carrying on with herself. When Caveman arrives, she pulls me, with Pip in my arms, to standing and says to her son, “You used to look just like this little boy. Now look at you! You’re a caveman! What happened to you?” I politely smile and then, conveniently, Pipsqueak squirms free of my arms and I am excused to follow him. When I return, woman is in the smoke room and Caveman is chatting to T about music, recording, and his “awesome” 1-gig mp3 player, that is “the best one out there.” Jules and I exchange sympathetic looks on behalf of T, but leave him to converse with Caveman while we entertain the Squeak. So begins our traveling adventure!

We board the plane, only a bit late, and it’s small. Really small. 2 rows across, 2 seats in each row, and about 13 seats deep. However, after everyone boards, not only is the flight indeed not full, but it is so empty that each passenger get his/her own row. This means that I am able to buckle in Pip’s carseat and strap him into his own seat. The flight is rather uneventful. Pipsqueak does well, only complaining during the descent that his ears hurt, and I can tell he’s also just had enough of sitting still in his seat.

We arrive in Long Beach, pick up our baggage, go to claim our rental car, which is a somewhat lengthy process, and finally hit the road. Arrive at the condo in San Clemente around 10:15, where we say hello to my sister “Atina” and her husband “Uncy.” Grammy is asleep already. We settle in, and the exhaustion eventually wins out over the excitement as Pipsqueak finally falls asleep.

Wednesday:
Pip wakes up at an ungodly hour, long before anyone in the condo wants to be awake. He and I head down to the beach to take a morning stroll to the pier. He is so excited by everything: all the dogs we see walking on the trail, the pigeons and seagulls congregating near the trash bins, the train that passes frequently and loudly (to which Pipsqueak quickly learned the accompanying sound, and for the entire week any squeaky, rattley, beepy noise he heard he would exclaim “train coming!” and demand to be held up so he could watch it pass), the group of junior lifeguards playing volleyball, the ocean water lapping at the shore, the palm trees and other plant life so totally foreign to our home, the boardwalk (or bridge as he calls it) and pier, all the people… We walk on the pier until Pip falls down and skins his knee just a bit (a fact that he will remember the entire week, every time we walk on a bridge, boardwalk, or even mention the word pier…), and then wade in the water a bit. Pip is delighted by the waves coming and going, and giggles frantically when the water splashes his feet. This will be the only time all week he will actually get in the water by choice.

After our morning stroll, we get groceries at Ralph’s and Trader Joe’s with Jules. We then eat lunch and take a long nap (we are all exhausted from our day of traveling the day before) while Grammy, Atina and Uncy go to the beach. After our nap, we meet up with everyone, including my cousin and his wife and their two kids, at the beach, where we do some swimming and some boogie-boarding and some sunning and some snacking. Unfortunately, when I go to take Pip to dip his feet into the water, the first wave is bigger than I anticipated and it completely drenches him, head to toe. He is forever traumatized by this, and for the remainder of the week, if someone says “ocean” or starts to walk with him towards it, he no longer frantically giggles but instead frantically exclaims, “Ocean, no!”

We clean up and head back to the condo for dinner, an Indian feast made even more delicious by the fact that we all have post-swimming appetites, i.e., we are starving! After Pip goes to bed, the girls play a rousing K-Fam. version of celebrity 6-degrees, but get stumped on how to successfully link Pierce Brosnan to Shia LeBouf, and the game turns into some late-night delirious fun. Eventually, we all go to sleep.