Thursday, June 19, 2008

Babywearing and...Baby-Hungry?

Guess what I totally scored at Saver's the other day? A Lucky Baby pouch sling! The one I found is khaki/tan on one side and reverses to a natural/off-white color on the other, so nothing fancy, but still!

Guess how much I paid? Really, guess. I bet you didn't guess $2.99!!! I am so psyched. I like using it with Pipsqueak for doing a hip carry, since he wants up, down, up, down, so frequently these days, and I love that it is so packable (my Mei Tais are definitely cumbersome in the diaper bag compared to this puppy!), but what I am the most excited about is using it with a teensy tiny brand new snuggly little baby. I never had a pouch or sling or wrap or anything with newborn Pip. I had a wretched Baby Bjorn that I used until he was about 5 months old, when wearing him in it even for a few minutes at a time became torturous (he was a lovely pudgy baby!). I then made myself a wrap and then soon after bought a DIY Mei Tai from someone else. And so I entered the world of babywearing!

The Baby Bjorn was not all bad. Really I loved it for those first few months when all I wanted to do was hold and cuddle my sweet little guy, but the dishes begged to be washed, dinner to be made, laundry to be done, etc. It was a lifesaver, but it was still very limited in its functions. The box boasts that you can nurse in it, but no matter how many times I tried I just couldn't get the hang of it. I also was constantly dropping bits of food on poor Pip's head while I ate, and he only tolerated wearing a napkin for a hat for a short amount of time... I could never actually load the dishwasher or pick up the house because anytime I bent over I felt like I would dump my baby right out onto the floor. I was thrilled to discover back carries in my wraps and Mei Tais!

Anyway, I never got to snuggle a brand new baby in a wrap or sling, and I am really looking forward to that! Also nursing in a pouch looks like it will be a cinch! This is not an announcement of any kind; I have no idea when I will be slinging a new baby, but I can guarantee it will not be for at least another 9+ months!

Lately, though, I have finally started to feel like I could possibly consider another child at some point. Up until now, though I always knew I wanted several children, I just couldn't even imagine thinking about having more, ever. It wasn't just the sleep deprivation, though that was one factor. It was just that I couldn't imagine sharing myself with someone else other than my Squeak. I didn't want to. I wanted to be 100% his. Also, I know I will love all my children equally. I know I can and will love future children just as much as I adore my Pip. But honestly sometimes I wonder if my future children will be as cool, as fun and funny and cute, as Pipsqueak is. I know I will love them all, but how can any child possibly have a personality that compares to Pip's great one? I also have not wanted to disturb our breastfeeding relationship. I know women successfully tandem nurse, but I am not sure I want to do that. I do, however, want to continue breastfeeding Pip for a bit. He is so attached to his "switch" that I do not feel prepared to take it away from him yet. And finally I am absolutely terrified of finding the energy, patience, time, ability to care for two children.

And yet, I am finally starting to look past that and think about my belly swelling with life. The smell of a newborn's milky breath. A baby's little sighs, grunts, and squeaks. Feeling a mother's love the first time I meet my child. Watching a nursing baby sleep in my arms, stroking downy soft hair, a tiny finger wrapped around mine.

Yesterday I held a baby for no other reason than I wanted to, for the first time since holding my own baby Pipsqueak. I have held babies to help their mothers, or because a baby wanted to be held and I was just there, or because I felt like I should want to upon meeting a friend's new baby. But those times I didn't particularly feel any desire to do so, nor did I really feel any enjoyment at the time. That is strange for me, since as long as I can remember I have adored, loved, cherished holding babies. But having my own filled that need in me, and it has since been a long time that I've actually desired to hold another person's baby. Yesterday I held a baby, a happy baby who was doing quite well just lying on the blanket kicking his legs and didn't need me to hold him, and his mother was merely socializing with friends, not needing a helping hand, and it wasn't even the first time I've met this baby. But I picked him up because I just wanted to hold a baby in my arms. It felt nice.

Could I possibly be getting baby-hungry???


Brooke said...

I had and continue having those same anxieties about baby #2 (I'm due in 3 months). I am so excited to be able to meet this little critter who loves doing somersaults in my stomach, but I'm also completely terrified at the thought of having to give up time with my #1. I've even cried over it, thinking that baby #2 is going to change my relationship with #1. I just need to remember though, that in my opinion, it's better for #1 to have #2 in his life. We'll all be better for it.

katie albritton said...

We are having a blog contest and baby sling give away at La Stella Blu. Email me at if you are interested in finding out more....


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