After several tiring (though worthwhile) vacations, we are home and settling back into normal life. Santiago started a new school year of teaching today, and I am trying to figure out how my days should go now that I have a toddler.
Since returning from our last trip I have felt a strong desire to simplify everything in my life and purge everything I don’t need. I've felt a weird motivation to finally tackle all those projects I've been meaning to do, finally sell those things that need selling, finally get back into (better) contact with (nearly) lost friends. And so I've been doing some strange, non-pregnant nesting...
Today I sorted through my and Pipsqueak's closets, getting rid of one large garbage bag of clothes from mine and another of clothes and toys from Pip's. It didn't feel as cathartic as I'd hoped, but only because I didn't get rid of much stuff since it hasn't been that long since the last time I did this. I then cleaned out the closet in the bunny's room (yes, we do have one room in our home that merely houses our pet rabbit, along with Tiago's fly-tying desk and all the junk we have nowhere else to put...), which was quite a task, since, as I said, that is really just our junk room. I then cleaned out three boxes from the garage, sorted our shoe bin, and organized Pipsqueak's closet. I rearranged his books and I also organized his toys, boxing up all the ones he is now too old for, getting rid of all the junky or cheapo ones, and dividing the good ones between his room, the living room toyshelf, the playroom, and the family room toyshelf. Of course even though I had a very busy day, it doesn't really look like I did anything. The sink is still full of dishes (I just can't get caught up this week!), the laundry hamper is still full of dirty clothes, the gardens are still full of weeds, and the floor still needs to be vacuumed...
I also don't feel like I satisfied my desire for organization. I just want to get everything completely organized, and now. My main problem is that I want to use bins, baskets, shelves, and closet rods to get organized, and all those things cost money, of which we currently have none. I also want to get things decorated! I want to paint Pip's room and get the playroom looking more playroom-esque. In the Squeak's room I want some color, more light, new sheets, and some fun decorations. In the playroom I want a wall of chalkboard paint, low toyshelves and clear bins, clothes hooks and a mirror for dress-ups, and a removable spring-loaded curtain rod and curtains for puppet shows.
I don't know why all of sudden I just feel like I need to get rid of things, clean (scratch that one, I unfortunately don't feel like I need to clean!), organize, and decorate, but it's a fierce feeling!
In other news Pipsqueak got a haircut last week! It looks so cute and grown-up! Also he has worn "big boy undies" all day today (except right now, during his nap. He really wanted to wear them for that, too, but I don't have that much confidence in him yet), and no accidents! I can't believe that my baby is growing up so much. He will be 2 in just over a month, and every day he looks more long and lean, more kid-like and less baby-like. Every day he behaves more and more like a little boy. Every day he talks more clearly, says more "grown-up" words and phrases ("actually," for instance...). Every day his play becomes more mature, his imagination blossoms. Was this intelligent, curious, inquisitive, comedic, strong-willed, rambunctious, energetic, loving little boy really the same mellow mewing baby I cradled in my arms not so long ago?
I want another baby. Aaah!, I actually admitted that, sort of out loud even. I feel ready in almost every way. The only thing I am not ready for is sacrificing my time and my relationship with Pipsqueak. I selfishly do not want a baby intruding on my time with Pip. I just want to be able to enjoy him, and just him, for a while longer. Is that horrible of me? Do you ever feel ready for your relationship with your first to change to welcome a second? I want to wait until I feel ready for that, but I'm not sure I ever will.
I feel weepy now. Why has my whole life seemed to play at normal speed, sometimes in slow-motion even, but my mothering years are going by in fast-forward?
1 comment:
Do you want to come use some of that energy at my house? I need to catch whatever bug you've got because I have SO MUCH to do before baby #2 comes along in 5 weeks (aaghh!).
I don't think you can be ready to let go of your one-on-one time with baby #1. I've been struggling with that through this entire pregnancy. Now that I'm in the home stretch, I feel even more frantic to make sure I spend as much time with #1 as possible. I even got emotional about it in the shower today. But, then I think about the joy that I felt holding #1 for the first time and it makes me excited for #2. And for now, I tell myself that I will work as hard as I have to to make sure #1 still gets all the attention he deserves.
Off-topic, did you start using cloth diapers as soon as Pip was born? I am at a loss as to what I should do! I've talked to -A- a lot about it, but I still don't know what to do. Do I take the plunge and learn how to fold prefolds? Do I shell out the cash for Kissaluvs? Should I do a mixture of the two? Or should I just give up and use disposables until #2 is big enough to use what I'm used to?
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