spring surprise

I haven't written in a very long time, I know. It's beause I have been spending a little bit (okay, a lot bit) too much time in bed, on the couch, kneeling in front of the toilet, sleeping, doing nothing, wallowing in misery...

You guessed it, I'm pregnant! Crazy, huh?

The truth is, it happened a bit sooner than we had wanted or planned. Or I guess not planned. We had only just started to kind of talk about maybe considering the possibility of maybe trying for another one sometime in the coming 3-6 months or so (very non-committal, can you tell?), and then, whoops. I'm all knocked up.



Miracle baby, I tell you.

I actually know it had to be divine intevention, because I was getting more and more comfortable with the idea of having Pip be an only child for several more years. I tend to get a little too comfortable in my routine and then it gets harder and harder to disrupt it the longer I wait. It was an incredibly difficult adjustment for Santiago and I to make, as a couple, when Pip as born, because we had settled into a nice little married and working-everything totally equal-fifty/fifty routine over the course of the 5 years we were married before Pipsqueak came along. And I fear I was getting too comfortable being mommy to one, sleeping through the night (finally), heading more towards independence and back to that comfortable marriage I had pre-baby, where we actually went places, just the two of us, and we could be spontaneous with our time, money, plans, travel, etc. I started thinking about how nice it would be to pack Pip off to his auntie's and take off to Spain, no children in tow. How much easier it would be to wait to have a baby until Pip was an older kid, going to school and capable of rational thought and reasoning. How it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to have an only child... But at the same time I have always wanted 4 or more children (although 3 is now looking more and more appealing, and logical, financially and such), and I have always wanted them to be close in age. So my desires were all in total dissonance with each other. With my serious issues with making decisions, I fear I never would have been able to come up with a plan that I would have been happy with. So God stepped in, and I am thrilled that He did.

After the initial shock and nervousness (sheer terror) had some time to wane, I got really excited. I am happy to report that I am now beyond ecstatic to be pregnant again. Yay!

I'm due mid-May. It's flying! Though I really could stand for the "morning" sickness to go away like, yesterday...

I am having a terrible time deciding on birth plans for this baby. We had originally been in agreement about using a birth center with a Certified Nurse Midwife, but after some research this has turned out to not be a viable option. We have gone back and forth about having this baby at home, and after meeting with a kind and gentle and honest and very experienced homebirth midwife, I have finally gotten Tiago to be open about homebirth as an option. But now *I* am feeling fearful, not about safety but about finances (as is he). Our insurance will not cover anything with a homebirth, so we will be paying $2200 plus all the lab fees, ultrasound costs, plus fees for a Bradley class and possibly a doula (although I probably won't have one with a homebirth because the midwife's apprentice is available to attend my birth in any capacity I desire, or don't), all out of pocket. They won't let us put the expenses on our Flex spending and they won't put the cost towards our out-of-pocket maximum. This would be only marginally more expensive than a hospital birth (with our insurance), but if anything goes wrong anytime in the pregnancy, labor, or birth, we will be paying the cost of the homebirth AND all the hospital fees. We literally just could not pay if this happened. We already are in so much debt because of S's back surgery in April. At the same time, I just feel very doubtful that I can have the birth I want in a hospital with my current CNM. It all feels so hopeless. I wish there were other options. And I feel so stressed because I need to decide this soon. I just don't know what to do.

In other news, Pipsqueak is well on his way to weaning. He hasn't nursed since Saturday before his nap. I have totally taken his lead, too. I wasn't planning to start weaning, but I did begin some dialogue with him about how soon he would get to drink warm milk out of a cup instead of "switch" (his word for nursing). The next night he cried for warm milk at bedtime! Unfortunately we didn't have any milk in the house, so he got his 'switch' as usual. The next day I made sure to pick up some milk at the grocery store. At night he asked for warm milk again, so I made sure he understood that he could have warm milk OR switch, but not both. I asked him if he wanted warm milk instead of switch or if he wanted switch. He answered that he wanted warm milk instead of switch. So we tried that, and surprisingly, he did fine. He did ask for a "just a little switch" after he finished his milk and started to get drowsy, but I reminded him that he had chosen to have milk in a cup, not switch. He put his hand on my face and fell asleep as I rocked him. Since then, I have given him the choice of warm milk or switch for every nap and bedtime, and he has chosen warm milk every time. He continues to ask for a little switch just before he falls asleep, but protests very little when I remind him of his choice. He instead puts his hand somewhere near the "switch" or my face and goes to sleep. It is going so much better than I imagined it would, and I think it's because it was his choice, and continues to be his choice. I am happy with the process so far. I was originally concerned about weaning him to something else I would eventually have to wean him from, but since he doesn't fall asleep while drinking the milk and I brush his teeth after, I really don't care if he does ask for warm milk every night until he goes to college! We'll work on weaning him from needing to be rocked sometime well after he is totally weaned from "switch" (I won't count him totally weaned until he does not ask for it anymore.).

Oh, and because I'm just too excited to not mention it, my two best friends from college are also expecting babies! One is due 4 weeks before me and the other is due a week after that. The first is having her first, and the second has a little boy just 2 1/2 months older than Pip. I am thrilled! I just with I lived closer to them...

So that's what's happening around here. Santiago and I will be celebrating 7 great years of a truly wonderful and happy marriage on Monday (Nov. 17). Pisqueak turned two last month. My niece is 6, goes to school, and has a boyfriend. I feel old. Where does the time go?