Thursday, January 19, 2012

aging


I'm afraid.

I think my dad has Parkinson's Disease.

PD killed his mother at age 95 and his brother at age 71. My Dad is 71.

When I look at pictures from just one year ago my heart breaks at how quickly his health has deteriorated. I get terrified that each time I see him will be the last. I feel panicky. I can't think about my proud, refined father and the humility and embarrassment he will feel as he loses control. I can't think about how it will be when he no longer recognizes me or my children. I can't think about how it will be for my kids to lose their grandpa. I can't stand to think about living in a world that doesn't have my Daddy.

I'm afraid.

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