I spent the weekend at Ward Youth Conference. Two days of sand and sun and giggling and dancing and oversharing. I have come to love my young women, each of them. It was a wonderful weekend. Save one thing.
Well, two things really, but they both tie together into one big thing that has me all hot and bothered, and not in a good way.
That thing is the way modesty is taught by many in my church, to both Young Women and Young Men. The message the Young Women are told is that they need to dress modestly to help men avoid impure thoughts. The message the Young Men hear is that they are not responsible for their thoughts or actions. The message the Young Women hear is that they are.
This is a heavy burden of responsibility to place anyone's shoulders, but especially on those of our already-fragile teenage girls. It's not enough that women have to be responsible for their own salvation, but apparently we are also responsible for securing the salvation of the men around us. We are taught that we dress our bodies merely for either the benefit or damnation of men. If we are revealing in dress, it is to arouse men. If we are modest in dress, it is to ensure proper thoughts in men. Must everything we do be because of what men expect or want us to do?
At it's best, this line of thinking completely neglects the teaching of the actual doctrine behind modesty and affirms the notion that women exist for and at the mercy of men. This angers me in so many ways, but what really terrifies me is what happens at the worst of this line of thinking. The worst is the fear I feel for the young woman (women, if we're being statistically accurate) who is sexually assaulted and is then made to feel that she "brought it on herself" by dressing "provocatively." It is the terror I feel that young men are hearing that they are weak and can't be expected to be held accountable when a woman, heaven forbid, shows her shoulders. It is the message that a man just can't help himself when a woman "teases" him, and that what happens as a result is what "she had coming."
And that is not okay.
What's bothering me even more than just that is that when these messages were preached (in a slightly different way but implied and inferred nonetheless), none of the youth hearing them seemed bothered. Which means they have heard it all before. It did not surprise me, as it is something that I remember being told from my days as a teenager in the church (and being angered by it even then), but it does anger me, and trouble me. How can we be doing all this damage? And what can I do to stop it?
I have some other specific issues that are still bothering me that relate to this, but this is the biggie, and it's what's been eating away at me for 2 days. Maybe someday I'll work through my other issues from this weekend, but for tonight I could really use some... something. Insight? Advice? Understanding? Prayers? Revolution? I don't know. Something. I'm feeling the heavy, heavy burden of loving these crazy teenagers and hurting for them and trying to figure out how to teach them and lead them to Christ and help them love themselves. And it's pressing down on me hard-core.
