food...food...food

Poor blog. How I've neglected you.

Lately I feel like I am living, breathing, dreaming FOOD. We've been making some food changes that make me question my sanity. We've been cutting out ALL processed foods (and not just what I used to consider "processed" when I used to say we ate very little processed foods, but all actual processed foods...). Which means I am either in the kitchen or thinking about and planning what I will next make in the kitchen for roughly 16 hours every day... Some of my experiences and recipes will surely make an appearance in the blog in the future, as I try to make sense of what I'm doing and what works and what doesn't...

When I'm not doing kitchen-prep stuff, I feel completely drained. I feel sapped of all energy and motivation to do anything except sit around and feel tired. Not really sure what's going on, but I'm having a hard time of it.

Anyway...it's Friday today and I need to get my house clean, laundry done, food-related stuff planned and started (need to pick up eggs today and start soaking flour for making bread for the weekend), but all I really want to do on this cold grey day is cuddle up on the couch with a book while my kids sit with me watching "Peter Pan" (this may or may not be what is happening currently, minus the book, plus the computer...).

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The men of my past, a la Gilmore Girls

I love love love Gilmore Girls. And if you like good, smart tv, you love Gilmore Girls, too. Sometimes I like to wrap my life up in Gilmore Girls metaphors. Today is one of those times. So I bring you,

My Past Relationships, Gilmore Girls-style.

I really only have two men of my past.

The first, the Dean to my Rory. My high school boyfriend, letter jacket, rose bouquets, serenading at my bedroom window, jewelry, school dances, song dedications on the radio, and all. My practice boyfriend. We were so incompatible, and honestly he kind of annoyed me (and really embarrassed me), but he really, really liked me. He treated me way better than I deserved and he was just so darn puppy-dog loyal. I liked being pampered. He was my Dean. (SPOILER alert! If you are 7 years behind and haven't seen the season finale of season 4 of Gilmore Girls (what is wrong with you?!), read no further... You have been warned!) Except, you know, I didn't sleep with him and break up his marriage and then ditch him for a bunch of trust-fund party boys... So there's that. But anyway, even now, 10+ years later, seeing him and remembering his devotion to me is still good for my self-esteem. Every girl needs a Dean to teach her how she should be treated and to teach her how she should treat someone she eventually finds to love.

That would make boyfriend #2 my Jess. Soulful, poetic, misunderstood Jess, who just kind of floated through life with no goals, plans or direction. Sounds about right. My Jess played me songs he wrote for me on his guitar. We talked books and philosophy and religion. We wrote each other 20-page love letters. He would drive 50 miles on his motorcycle in the rain to come visit me at college, and we would spend all night walking around campus because he had flaked on finding sleeping arrangements for himself... Then he would have some kind of emotional freak-out and he would check out of our relationship. And we couldn't really talk about our issues, because we are both writers, so we would write about our issues. It was a super healthy relationship and not dysfunctional in the least... Oh but I loved him and his tortured soul.

(I'm not going to comment at all on my present (and future) love, because no matter how hard I try I just can't parallel him to Logan Hunztberger. Which is fine, because, while I like Logan, I honestly don't really like who Rory becomes as his other half... And my love certainly isn't a spoiled rich kid.)

The reason I have been thinking about this is that periodically I dream about these boys from my past. Or rather, periodically I dream about one of these boys from my past. Can you guess which one? Which of the two I just can't get out of my subconscious? Yep, the sometimes-depressed romantic who was wrong for me in every way. I try not to be too hard on myself for these dreams, because I can't control them. But it bugs me. It bugs me that he's still there, somewhere. What kind of a person am I? Who admits that they have dreams about their ex?! Someone out there in the interwebz, please tell me I am not the only one (even if you have to lie!), because I am starting to get down on myself about it, and my Easter/Mother's Day supply of binge chocolate will only last so long...!

Or you know, if you can't help a sister out, maybe you have a fictional character-boyfriend parallel you'd like to share. You know I'm dying to hear.

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Homemade Christmas 2010

(this is last year's tree. This year's tree is almost bare, because I have a 19-month-old who just *can't.leave.the.decorations.alone*!)

I haven't had time to write this month, because for some reason I got the harebrained idea to have a "Homemade Christmas" this year... I finished making my last homemade gift yesterday morning! So now you all get to see the results of my craziness!

The Christmas Card

So in a forum I frequent (when the kids are asleep and I am procrastinating my to-dos, or when the kids are fighting and I am trying to ignore them...) I recently read a thread about Christmas letters. Love them or hate them? Me, I love them. Mostly because I love getting mail, and throughout most of the year the only mail I get are bills and ads... You all know I love me some internet, but I am still in mourning over the loss of writing and receiving actual letters. But that's a different post for a different day... Right now I'm talking about Christmas letters. Which I love (remember?).

While I had the best of intentions (which intentions included Christmas-Card-writing, -sealing, -addressing, and even -stamping-with-every-intention-of-mailing-but-not-quite-making-it-to-the-post-office), it wasn't until we had our bouncing baby boy four Christmases ago that we sent out our first Christmas cards. And of course those Christmas cards were a close-up shot of our cute kid. We even included a letter, AND we actually sent them (hey, once I get bitten by the motivation bug there's no stopping me)! Before we had kids, there really was no need for us to send letters or even pictures. Because for us, before the kids came, there was really only so much to report year after year. If I had written Christmas letters for the first 4-5 years of our marriage they would have read something like this: Dear family & friends, We're doing well. We're still in school. We're still working. We still don't have any kids. We still don't have any money. Merry Christmas until next year (when all will still be the same!). But kids provide the best material for Christmas letters! And so, we've written and sent Christmas cards/letters every year since Squeak was born.

(Because I just can't help myself, here's a gratuitous photograph of one of my cuties. This is what graced our Christmas cards that first year we sent them.)

But reading the thread made me feel a little self-conscious. After reading people's peeves with Christmas letters, I worry: are my letters too braggy? Are my letters too boring (surely other people are interested in my kids? Surely other people think they're cute, too?)? Are my letters too ____________ (fill-in-the-blank: long, short, preachy, secular, phony, real, etc)?

But you know what? After considering all that for more than a minute, I really don't care. I like writing them and I like receiving and reading them. So I will assume that everyone else does too. And if any of my friends/family members are too busy to read my one-page letter (and you call yourself my friend?!), or if they feel my letter is too [choose your adjective], well then they don't have to read it. Not my problem.

So this year, I will definitely (as always) send a letter full of cute anecdotes of my most-adorable kids and pictures to back them up.

I'm getting my Christmas cards from Shutterfly this year, for three reasons: 1. I have, in years past, received Shutterfly cards from loved ones and thought they looked elegant and classy and simple. I like that. 2. I have had excellent results with Shutterfly in other arenas (more specifically, Photo Books. I've used several websites to make photo books and Shutterfly is definitely the most user-friendly and has the best service (ahem, take notes, Fujifilm), and the books are of a great quality, too.). And 3. Shutterfly is sending me 50 free cards for writing this (but really, I was considering Shutterfly anyway, even before I heard about this opportunity. But offer me free anything and I will definitely take the bait!). Psssst! Shutterfly can send you free cards, too! See?

I'm actually having a really, REALLY hard time deciding which cards to get. Shutterfly has such an awesome selection. I'm really digging their Flat Stationary Cards. They're printed on cardstock and they just look so stylish, so classic and tasteful. You should go take a look and help me decide which ones to order. And while you're there, you should order some for yourself. Just not the same ones I (eventually) decide to order. Because that would be awkward.

Speaking of awkward, I feel not at all awkward about shamelessly promoting a good product in order to get some of that good product for free. So if you have anything YOU want shamelessly promoted, I'll totally be your girl!

Thanks, Shutterfly!

Final Score = Mom: 2; Kids: 4,377,985

In Competition: Clean House, Me vs. My Kids, they always win. And I'm just about ready to throw in the towel for good.

(this is really just a *teensy* smattering of the mess my kids have made this morning)

On Monday, I spent the ENTIRE day doing damage control. I did 6 loads of laundry (and still had 2 more leftover), I did 2 loads of dishes (and still had a sink full), I swept the kitchen floor 5 times. I took the trash out 3 times. I menu-planned and made a grocery list. I bathed the kids. I made banana-chocolate chip bread. We took a trip to the pumpkin patch and had Family Home Evening. I was seriously super-woman. Yesterday, we were out all day: preschool, library, grocery shopping, errands, Halloween carnival. And SOMEHOW... today the house looks like ground zero again.

Just Wonderin'

How exactly does LinkWithin decide which posts to link together? What is the criteria they use? I am convinced it is totally random. Because really, how else do you link an entry about Making Friends as an Adult with an entry about Cloth Diapers? Or an entry about Goals with an entry about Milk of Magnesia? Or an entry about Tolerance with an entry about my Birth Story?

Seriously, LinkWithin, how does your little widget brain work?

10 Things

A few things:

1) I'm tired. Really, really tired. Much to my hubby's dismay, there is no sleep-training going on in this house. So here's where the battle in my brain occurs. I have always wanted 3-4 kids. I don't agree with letting a baby "cry it out." I simply CANNOT handle being sleep deprived for another several years. So which is it? Do I decide 2 babies is enough and enjoy finally getting some sleep (eventually)? Do I have a 3rd and let it cry so I can get some sleep? I know this isn't something I need to decide right now, but I really *don't* want to forget how badly the sleep-deprivation sucks when it is time to decide. So mental post-it note: I am not a happy mama when I don't get sleep. I can handle it for about a year. Then I get the crazy-eyes and I just really don't like myself much. And just an FYI, we're leaning towards not having more children for various other reasons as well. Is that too 21st century? Only 2 kids?

Writer's Block

I wish I could get out of this writing rut.

If I could, I would write about the following things:

*how my days alternate between two kinds of horrible: day one=Squeak pestering the baby nonstop and being mean and annoying and not listening and yelling and being too physical all day long. day two=Squeak whining and crying and having meltdowns and freak-outs over literally every minuscule thing. It is making me wonder if there is indeed something not-quite-right about him. Emotionally? Or behaviorally? Because surely this can't be normal.

*how my step-mother really and truly belongs in a Disney movie. Like of the "wicked step-mother" variety. She is emotionally about 13 years old. Maybe younger. Maybe she's more like 7. I can't quite decide.

I'm goin' to Disneyland

Okay, well, it should really be "I went to Disneyland," but then you wouldn't get that catchy little song stuck in your head, and what good would I be to you then?

That's my excuse for why I haven't written in...well...I don't really remember the last time I wrote.

But I threw a few birthday parties, and played host to family members a few times, and took a needed vacation. And all of a sudden, here it is mid-July. Just like that.

my shameless plug!

Guess what?

I'm being featured as a guest author on Segullah! Tomorrow (Saturday)!

I feel way more excited than I should be about this.

Never read Blog Segullah? You really should (especially tomorrow!). It is wonderful. I am so honored that they accepted my submission.

And that is all.

A, B, C, & D

Oof. What happened to me?

I've been busy. Busy planting gardens, busy planning parties, busy making movies, busy reading horrible vampire books. No time in this busy life for writing in my blog, it would seem.

THE BEST...

I am the world's BEST procrastinator. And I am proud of it. There are not many things at which I can claim to be THE BEST, so I take what I can get.

Whole Wheat Bread

I finished my second project (well, I guess it's technically the fourth project because I started two others first but haven't finished them yet)! I made whole wheat bread, from scratch, without my bread machine! This is an accomplishment for me because I am a bit yeast bread-challenged. I had practiced making several yeast bread doughs (pretzels, pizza dough, bread, etc) with my bread machine before my big no-machine whole wheat bread debut, which I did yesterday. And guess what?! I succeeded! The bread rose just how it should (both times), I didn't under- or over- cook it, and it looked pretty, too (no bread machine kneader hole in the bottom of the loaf!)! AND-- it tasted great! I mean, really, really great. I've eaten half the (smallish) loaf already, all by myself. I baked one loaf and froze two rolls of dough for later. The recipe I used was super easy and I will definitely make it again and again (recipe will be posted below).

1 down, 100 to go!

Well I just finished the first of my 101 things!!! I am feeling so accomplished (if not a little nauseated from eating the finished- supersweet- product).

So what epic project did I choose to be my first? Cupcakes, naturally!

101 in 1001

Have you heard of the Day Zero Project? Procrastinator me, I'm doin' it. It's a list of 101 things I want to do, and will do, in the space of 1001 days. No more saying "Someday..." I'm doing it all now.

Pixie & Squeak

I'm ba-ack! I didn't forget about this blog, but over the past 10+ months, everytime I thought about updating, I got too overwhelmed. And since I have maybe 1 reader, I think all will be forgiven.

Since my last update, I had a baby! A baby girl! I've debated what to call her on this blog (if I decide I have the time/energy to keep up this blog). I think "Pixie" fits her the best, but it sounds a little too much like "Pipsqueak," which has always been my son's moniker. So I guess from now on Son will be Squeak (which has become infinitely more fitting than I ever thought it would be, as his voice continues to be rather squeaky), and Daughter will be Pixie.

Notice the pictures on the sidebar! A Poems, Prayers & Promises first! Actual pictures of my actual kids! (Shhh, don't tell the husband!)!!

So Pixie was born in May, which makes her almost 8 months old. I have a dreamy birth story to tell, but since I've just spent all my allotted updating time reformatting the blog instead of writing, it will wait until next post. Which will be sooner than 10 months. I promise.

Because even if (though) no one reads this thing, I am sure I will continue to write. As exhausting as it is sometimes having two blogs (this one and the one mostly for the grandparents to keep up with my littles), I sometimes need someplace to write things that I *don't* want my entire family, in-laws, and all previous acquantances reading. And that's where you come in, dear blog! Aren't you excited for me to dump all my baggage here?!

I know I am!

some good news.

Well I'm feeling pretty good today.

Pipsqueak gets his cast off on February 8. The doctor said it looks like it's healing well and he shouldn't have any problems with it. His haircut has really grown on me. I still miss his adorable curls but I love his new little boy look. Also I have been surprised by how fast his hair has grown. It seems like I already need to cut it again. How can that be? The best news of all is that my sister seems to be okay, at least for now. The specialist told her that while she does have a connective tissue disorder, it's not the disease they feared it was (at least for now). She does have some symptoms of it, and some of some other things, and so right now she is undiagnosed. But the best part is that even if she does develop this illness somewhere down the road it will most likely be a limited form and will likely not affect her internal organs. So that is great news. I am immensely relieved.

This morning out of the blue Pip threw up. It reminded me of his infant days when he had reflux, and so I thought it was just that he had too much breastmilk this morning. He was acting normal so we went about our day as normal. We had eggs for breakfast, which he didn't touch, so I gave him some mashed bananas with oats (a culinary specialty from my own childhood!), which he ate enthusiastically, and then promptly threw up. I am not sure what's going on, as I don't know of anyone we've been in contact with who has a stomach bug, and I can't think of anything questionable that he may have eaten recently. He doesn't have a fever, he is acting just like his usual self, and thankfully now he has nursed two more times and *cross fingers* has held it down. This is only the second time he has ever thrown up (other than his infant reflux issues which made him spit up constantly as a babe) so I'm not really sure what to think of it...

Well I can't think of anything even remotely interesting to write about... So there you have it.