resolve.

Um. Hi. And whoops. Has it really been 5 months?

Life zips forward.

Instead of trying to play catch-up, let's just pretend I've been here all along. I'm currently having some sort of life crisis, mainly in that I feel like I am pretty much failing at just about everything.

I should be gentler on myself, I know that. After a few pretty spiritual experiences recently, I KNOW know that. But I'm pretty overwhelmed lately with my kids, and that makes me feel terribly guilty and inept at handling anything. It's not really a new thing, I guess. Basically, transitioning from one to two kids has been all but the death of me. I feel like Squeak's challenges, that started just before his third birthday (right around the time Pixie was born), have pulled me so far from where I was, and want to be, as a mother, and that makes me feel just terrible for both of my kids. For Squeak, because of how intensely he needs the mother I used to be, and for Pixie, because she never has really known her.

And so I am hoping that 2013 will be the year that she makes her return. I know I can be a great mother, and this year I am going to take care of *myself* so I have the energy to be that great mom. Because when I think about it, what it all comes down to is energy, and all the things that suck my energy, and how I need to change that.

So I'm going to take care of myself this year, mind, body, and soul. It will be a process.

I'm doing it for these little booty-shakers. Because they deserve the absolute best!

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Purging in 2011

Well Homemade Christmas 2010 was simply awesome. I got everything done and everyone loved their gifts. We ended up also getting the Squeak some bunk beds, and he loves them. We got new bedding to go with it, and it made his whole room look more put together.

We got ourselves some new shelving for our basement family room, which made that room look more put together. It has suddenly motivated me to get my whole house looking just as simplified, organized, and put together. I have gone through every Rubbermaid in my storage room and have gotten rid of the contents of ten of them (the 18-gallon size)! It has made me feel simply amazing. My next project will be to declutter the laundry room (corridor) and try to get it organized so that it stays that way... Then I will do the linen closet and the bathroom cupboards/drawers. Then the pantry/kitchen cupboards. When the weather gets a little warmer, I'll tackle the garage. Then I will be done, and my house will be much more livable. I get tired of seeing so much STUFF everywhere, and not having a place for it all. My number one goal of 2011 is to find a place for all my STUFF, or get rid of it if I can't.

I would love to post a picture of the before and after of our family room, but since the kids have torn the room apart in the last 2 minutes that I've been writing this, I'm not taking an after picture right now...


Other goals for 2011:
*Continue to work on my 101 in 1001 Project
*Daily personal scripture study and morning/evening prayer (are these continual goals in my life, or what?!)
*Monthly temple attendance
*No more yelling at my kids (the book "123 Magic" is really helping me with this one)
*Regular exercise and weight loss (I would really like to get back in pre-kid shape so I am able to participate in an alumni dance piece in April...)
*One major personal goal that includes several smaller ones and that I'd rather not share

Whole Wheat Bread

I finished my second project (well, I guess it's technically the fourth project because I started two others first but haven't finished them yet)! I made whole wheat bread, from scratch, without my bread machine! This is an accomplishment for me because I am a bit yeast bread-challenged. I had practiced making several yeast bread doughs (pretzels, pizza dough, bread, etc) with my bread machine before my big no-machine whole wheat bread debut, which I did yesterday. And guess what?! I succeeded! The bread rose just how it should (both times), I didn't under- or over- cook it, and it looked pretty, too (no bread machine kneader hole in the bottom of the loaf!)! AND-- it tasted great! I mean, really, really great. I've eaten half the (smallish) loaf already, all by myself. I baked one loaf and froze two rolls of dough for later. The recipe I used was super easy and I will definitely make it again and again (recipe will be posted below).

1 down, 100 to go!

Well I just finished the first of my 101 things!!! I am feeling so accomplished (if not a little nauseated from eating the finished- supersweet- product).

So what epic project did I choose to be my first? Cupcakes, naturally!

101 in 1001

Have you heard of the Day Zero Project? Procrastinator me, I'm doin' it. It's a list of 101 things I want to do, and will do, in the space of 1001 days. No more saying "Someday..." I'm doing it all now.

good intentions

I had every intention of exercising today. Every single intention. But then... by the time I fixed us lunch, fed the kiddo, cleaned up, got Pipsqueak settled for a nap, ate a small bite myself, got dressed in exercise clothes, went downstairs, picked up the toys from off the floor of the family room, reshelved every single DVD and Disney VHS we own that Pip so happily pulled off the shelf earlier (I of course had to do those last 2 things so I would have enough floor space to do my thang!), and went pee for the first time today, I was wiped out! I just couldn't do it! So instead I flopped onto the Lovesac and am now happily watching some Grey's Anatomy on DVD.

So much for New Year's resolutions...

I actually did manage a workout yesterday. And I very nearly finished. But right in the middle of doing tendus and attitudes, my very independent, not cuddly at all, adorable little guy decided he just needed a cuddle, right at that very moment. And so who am I to refuse a seldom-granted snuggle with my sweet baby boy? After that we had to shower and get to the mechanic so I wasn't able to finish. Still, I got in a good 30 minutes of working out. Today I am sore! I am so out of shape it's not funny. And so tight. Back in the good old days of my youth I was so flexible, limber, strong. Now my turnout is shabby, my extension pathetic, my strength laughable, and my flexibility nonexistent.

But I do have a beautiful, sweet, funny joy of a son to show for it so it is worth it!

2008 Resolutions

Well here’s to another year! I always make resolutions, and sometimes I actually am able to keep some of them… I am picking five this year, five things I really really want to accomplish! Here they are:

Exercise. I just got some new dance DVDs and I am hopeful that these will help me stay interested in exercising. I would like to ideally lose about 10 pounds this year but more than that I just want to tone up again. My post-baby body is just not the same as it used to be, and that makes me sad!

Read scriptures every morning during breakfast. I used to try to read at night but I just get too distracted with my late-night, toddler’s-finally-asleep, time-to-be-productive, time-to-enjoy-me-time, second wind and then when I’m done with that I am so exhausted I literally crash. And so I think during breakfast I should be able to read something spiritual to help get me through the day!

Settle into a schedule of activities to do with Pipsqueak. We mostly play, read, sing, dance, and go out to run errands but as he gets older that’s just not satisfying enough for him. So more trips to the park, the Nature Center, Children’s Museum?, zoo, library, storytime, playdates, etc, more art projects and cooking fun and tactile experiences, more silly songs and fingerplays. Also I need a schedule to keep this house clean and organized. This is the year to get majorly organized! The garage is going to be our big project this year. Shelves, Rubbermaids, organization to the max!

Set aside more time for my husband. We have all but neglected date-night since Pip’s birth, and we need to start having dates again. Someone in my family can usually babysit for us for free, so we should definitely take them up on it at least once a month.

Make more friends for myself and for Pipsqueak. Just get over my shyness already and get some friends!